Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
What is your acceptance speech part 1
Join us on an enlightening journey as we unravel the transformative power of these virtues through the lens of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. (This was taped in October) Mary J. Blige's acceptance speech serves as our north star, guiding a heartfelt discussion on how grace can enrich personal relationships and even parenting. We explore the delicate balance between kindness and the compelling need to be right, particularly in a society quick to take offense, while reflecting on how people’s true colors often show in life's changing seasons.
Stand with us at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, where the dynamics of waiting in line become a lesson in self-control and grace. Imagine the challenge of someone cutting the line and the decision to stand up for yourself with poise. Through personal stories, we bring to life the art of choosing battles wisely and the lasting impact of our responses in everyday encounters. Parenting anecdotes shed light on teaching children patience and fairness, revealing the profound wisdom that self-control can offer, even in the most mundane situations.
Experience the power of compassionate listening and genuine connection, whether during bedtime chats that fill our children with a sense of love and safety or in a touching encounter with a spirited McDonald's employee. Hear how empathy and active listening create a warm, supportive environment for those around us, leading to unexpected moments of joy and reflection. As we anticipate further insights from Mary J. Blige’s moving speech, we invite you to explore the small acts of kindness that can make a significant difference, one interaction at a time.
You can read all of Mary J. Blige's Acceptance Speech at
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/mary-j-blige-rock-and-roll-hall-of-fame-2024-speech-1235136432/
Check out the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony for all the Induction speeches. It was an amazing night for all.
Ann attended and came out very inspired. Listen to this episode. It is a beautiful episode of parts of Mary's speech woven with words from Tina and Ann.
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Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Ann. I am Tina.
Speaker 2:And I am Ann. Recently I was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony and it was just amazing. I am a big celebrity junkie. If anybody knows me, if there are celebrities in the area, you will find me there.
Speaker 2:I have spent a lot of time studying people and, honestly, when people are doing really well and you know they're winning these awards, you can really tell a lot about a person with their acceptance speeches and just how they handle it. And I think it just really if they I don't need to say that anyway you have those first of all, those people that stand up and they're just like I want to thank God, that's what they say. It's the first thing that they say. You know, it's really cool that they do that and I'm glad that they want to acknowledge God first. But it's where it kind of goes after that, and some are about others, some are about themselves, some have an agenda. You know they get up there with that political speech or whatever.
Speaker 2:So it got me thinking if I was to write my own acceptance speech for my own life, what would it be? So I looked at all the keywords. I mean, there were so many people there Dave Matthews, there was Dionne Warwick, there was Ozzy Osbourne, a Tribe Called Quest. I mean there were so many really amazing people that were there and it was just really interesting and I just really listened to every single one of their acceptance speeches. But one of them, mary J Blige, she just really hit it for me and I think it was because it was just so deep and it just there was nothing surface about it. So she said this is just part of it move with grace, trust the process of your journey, share your wisdom and love and respect all who cross your path. I mean there is so much in that one sentence. First of all, grace. We use that word so often. First of all, grace, we use that word so often. But what is grace really? What does grace mean?
Speaker 1:What does it mean to you, tina? Well, first of all, I love what she said. That is heavy, that's something that you tuck away and you think about, because there's a lot of meat and potatoes to what she said, and I love that. I love respect all who cross your path. I do so, grace. What does it mean to me? To me, it means being given something other than what you really deserve, or simplified, undeserved favor, and we talk to our kids about that.
Speaker 2:actually, quite often.
Speaker 1:So we'll say we're going to give you grace this time and we explain what it means. You're getting something that you don't really deserve because, let's say, you really deserve to have your electronics taken away, but we're going to show you right now that this is what grace looks like. So we've used it just as an example. We do talk about grace because it's important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there were. I looked it up because I wanted to see what I could find about the word grace and here were some key words that stuck out Kind calm, dignity, self-control which is huge self-control, which is huge compassion, forgiveness. I mean, oh my gosh, what life would be like if that's how we went into our relationships, with kindness and self-control and compassion and forgiveness.
Speaker 1:I think it would be better, indeed so different in the best way. I wish everyone could do that. And you know, I read something today and totally agree with it. It said sometimes I want to treat people how they treat me, but it's out of my character. So I think that speaks volumes because people can read it right. That's so good, yeah. And then one of my other favorite quotes I think that goes along with this is from the movie Wonder, and it's given the choice between being right and being kind, always choose kind. And I feel like we live in a society and we may have even talked about this in a previous episode where I feel like that kindness is kind of lost. It really is a choice and there seems to be no margin for error in any relationship, and I don't understand that.
Speaker 1:None of us are perfect. So if we're so quick to be offended or you know, it's like if you ask a question and you get an answer you don't like and then suddenly you're not friends, it's like but why? Why can't we agree to disagree? Or, sorry, I made a mistake. Can we move past it? And you know what I mean. I feel like it's I don't know exactly how to put my finger on it, but yes, I would say that I always try to believe the best in people until they show me otherwise. So, for example, you know we're in the month of October and, as the quote or the saying goes, you know people have an October too, where their real colors come through, you know, or their coats fall off, or you know as the leaves you know. Talking about how people have Octobers and unfortunately, I know in my personal life I've seen real Octobers happening and I know other people have too, and it's it's a little bit disheartening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, speaking of that, we just at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony we were, we were one of the first ones at this particular door and it was really. You know, it was really cool because we kind of saw all the VIPs and everything coming in and you know, I always want to try to position myself where you can see the important people. So it was kind of fun to watch people come in and how they were dressed and how they interact with each other were dressed and how they interact with each other. But there was this person who came in way after we did way. I mean, we were at the front of the line and we were talking to these people that got there just a little bit before us. So other people started showing up. So we said, well, we better actually form the line.
Speaker 2:So we started the line and I mean there were just hundreds of people after us and these people just show up like I don't know maybe 10 minutes before the doors open and they're standing over there and she's just like the, acting like she was in charge or something. So we thought maybe at first that maybe she knew something that we didn't know. So she said one of the women that was there right before us. She said do you work here? And she said well, when the doors open, everybody's are going to be going in. And so she said, well, doors open, everybody's going to be going in. And so she said, well, do you work here? And she said, like I said, when the doors open, everybody's just going to go in.
Speaker 2:And we just went okay, and that certainly didn't answer the question, but in a way I think it did. Well, the doors opened and she just walked right in front of us to go in. And the one, these two ladies that were there, one was from Philadelphia and one was from LA, and they were just there for the induction ceremony and they said, you know, since we've been in Cleveland, there have been so many rude people. And I was just like I am so sorry because that's not my experience in Cleveland. And then, you know, she just like looked at us and I was just like, oh my gosh, I mean that's just so sad that that's how she wanted to present herself was being rude.
Speaker 1:I can't believe that you waited in line. It's kind of like We've been in line over an hour.
Speaker 2:Yeah, someone just showed up.
Speaker 1:It's like when, if someone tries to cut you at Cedar point, you're like I just waited four hours in line here. I don't think so Great. What a sense of entitlement, right, well, you know, right, right, what a sense of entitlement Right.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, and one of the other key words in Mary J Blige's speech was self-control. You showed a lot of self-control then Right, but what an amazing word that is for us to be able to handle all of our encounters in that situation. I mean, we could have taken that in a direction that we wanted to, but you know, all of us there just kind of looked at each other and we just handled it with self-control.
Speaker 1:You sure did. Going back to my quote, you could have treated her the way she treated you, but it seemed to be out of all of your character and it's so. The way she acted says so much about her, and how you showed grace, and the people around you says so much about them, too, in such great ways.
Speaker 2:It doesn't even make sense because we're we all have assigned seats, and I mean it really. I mean, of course she didn't want to stand at the end of that line, but that's when she got there. That was her where she should have stood, because that's where she got there. You know, even when my kids we were just at the farm and I've got one kid that doesn't want to wait in line forever.
Speaker 2:So then he decides to join where we've been in line for 15 minutes and I said no end of the line. And he's like but I said no end of the line, oh, that's so good. And he just looked at me like I can't believe you're making me go to the end of the line. But there were people behind me watching us and I didn't want to let my kid cut in front of them. Plus, my other kids were waiting in line that whole time. He chose to go play and do whatever he wanted and then decide to join us right before it would have been his turn and I'm like no, you want to do it, you have to wait in line too. So I mean these are lessons that we have to learn along the way, but maybe she didn't learn those lessons.
Speaker 1:Or maybe she needed some grace she did.
Speaker 2:She needed lots of grace. You know, many times I know my family with people who make us upset, whether it's driving or someone jumping in line. It's how we respond to that person and we can escalate or de-escalate the situation just with our control. And that is how both parties are going to remember it and I can remember a lot of situations in my life where you know it could have went either way. You know I remember them vividly, but self control is everything.
Speaker 1:It is. I think I'm getting better at it, a lot better than when I was younger, because I have been called a spitfire. I have been called you know names like that in which I do to a certain extent I don't mind that, you know I think that it's important to stand when you need to stand, sure, just not for everything. And so I've really learned over the years when to pick and choose the battle that I'm going to fight.
Speaker 2:But there's a difference between standing up for yourself and how you do it.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:So I guess I am showing a lot more self-control than I give myself credit for there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself in a controlled way, in a respectful way, even to the other person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that is so true. It's hard to do sometimes because it's easier to have a reaction than to stop and think. And what really helps me is, especially if my kids are around, it helps me to stop and, you know, just stop and think. Okay, they're watching, you know, let's see how you handle it. So there have been several times where I'm really proud of myself and an instance or two where I didn't handle it as well. But it's also a teaching opportunity and I'm fully capable and able and do apologize or explain and we talk about what could be different when situations like that arise, and I think that's important. Even when they apologize, you know, for example, it's you know I'm sorry for, and then I tell them how important it is that you learn from that mistake. But also the sorry is, you know just a part of it. You know the other person might need some time. It doesn't make everything go away, so that I don't know. I feel like that just kind of that kind of is all encapsulated. I think it's important. I'm really learning this and I really think everyone needs to hear this.
Speaker 1:We really all need to be slow to anger, really really. Oh, that's good. Yeah, slow to anger. It's real easy to be offended. It's real easy. But I think we just need to chill. We just all need to chill a little bit. Just be slow to anger. If we could just believe the people, especially if we don't even know them, just slow to anger, and you know what? For a reason, and I'll even say you know what my reasoning would be for that. Be slow to anger because it's better for you and your body and your stress. You know what I mean. Just calm down.
Speaker 2:I know anytime you say calm down, it has the opposite effect but I'm just saying you don't want somebody else to say calm down to you, because that's not, oh, that's a trigger.
Speaker 1:That actually does the opposite.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the reason why I laughed about what you said. Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt?
Speaker 1:you. No, I was just saying slow. Just remember, slow to anger, slow to anger. It's harder to be slow to anger, but I think it pays off big time in the end.
Speaker 2:Why I kind of laughed when you talked about I'm sorry four, you know, is because now my kids will say I'll say you know, I'm sorry, they'll say four.
Speaker 1:Oh, they're quick learners. So funny because, yeah, what are you sorry for? So now you know, they know how to say a proper apology if they're pretending that they don't.
Speaker 2:I have a sandbagger child, so I know yeah yeah, I mean it's just so funny that they can use it back on you or you know, or their siblings, because one will say I'm sorry and they'll say, for I just absolutely love that. But then you made me also think about your pastor friend who was, who got upset at the coach who had been coaching their kids and handled everything so badly. And then your pastor's response you want to talk about waiting all the way to the end of the season and then going up to them and letting them know you know, thank you, but no, thank you. Basically you, um, we, we will not be back with you because of the way that you acted with the kids. So I mean you want to talk about self-control and handling something like that. So, um, mature, I think you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was amazing yeah, that was um, I love that story. It's you know. That story stands out to me and same person said don't make it an issue and it won't be an issue. I've been saying that to my kids lately and that can apply to everything Politics don't make it an issue and it won't be an issue. I can still love someone despite how they vote. I really don't understand that. It's really simple. Or I can still love someone and not agree with everything they say or post to social media, and I think we need to remember that when you're seeing stuff on social media, it's only part of the story and nobody is forcing you to look at that content. So keep on, keep on, moving on. You know it's really not that hard.
Speaker 2:We used to have a world like that, where we could all vote and respect each other, but it's just different now.
Speaker 1:Well, it's pretty bad when my eight-year-old says Mommy, when is the election? Because they're voting in school. And I said you know it's on November 5th and he said, man, I can't wait for it to be over. I'm tired of hearing about it and seeing um literally the ads that are on television.
Speaker 1:Inappropriate ads, very inappropriate, and we make our we make our kids turn them off, mute them, and we tell them close your eyes, and they do like I've watched them do that. And because I tell them, watch them, do that, and because I tell them you can't take back what you see and hear, you can't unsee it and you can't unhear it, I said if you do hear something and you have questions about it, I do want you to ask me. The reason I don't want you to hear this is because it's beyond what you need to comprehend for your age. You just don't need to hear about that. But you know and I actually don't even like that they're voting in school at eight years old, because they are voting for the president.
Speaker 1:And so just this morning I told my son, or last night, you know, he had said, well, I'm voting for so-and-so and I said, okay, that's fine. I just want you to know politics can start a lot of problems, so it's probably in your best interest not to tell a whole lot of people unless they're your close friends who you're voting for, because people get mad about that sort of thing. And he was just like, okay, kind of like, well, I don't care, it's my vote. You know he's eight, he's eight and I just thought it was so interesting that he's ready for it to be over, because I am too, much.
Speaker 2:It is, it's a lot. It's a lot this year period. So to be a kid in this it would be awful, I think. But you know we've been told so many times to think before we act or count to 10. When we are mad and then respond, maybe walk away or tell our kids not to react in anger it is an absolute to respond with grace and kindness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've been working on that a lot in our house. My oldest son is having some moodiness issues which I attribute to puberty on the horizon, so we've been really working with that. We've been really working with responsibility, explaining that it is our job as parents to teach you responsibility and, though you may not like doing your own laundry and folding it now and all of that, you know that is something that you need to do. You need to check the do list every day when you get home. Yeah, and it's because we love you. We're not trying to make you miserable. He thinks we were trying to make him miserable.
Speaker 1:It's because we love you. You will understand one day. So then we deal with our middle son, who is a lot like his mom and has a lot of big emotions, and so we are working really, really hard at the thing we talked about slow to anger and watch your words. You are absolutely allowed to be upset, but the way you talk and what you say is not okay. You, because this works for him. He needs to take time away and go to his room. He can get it all out there. You can kick and scream and say whatever you want in the pillow, hit your bed, whatever that seems to work for him. But you're not going to say all those mean things to your brothers or to your parents. You're going to work on controlling yourself in a way that's healthier, and so we're really working hard on that. We are not even close to 1% mastering these skills, but it is absolutely.
Speaker 1:The slow to anger and to think before you speak is kind of what we're doing in our household and, if anybody else wanted to know, we have a four-year-old who is by far the best listener and helper and we do kind of point out, you know, if we were to say to our two oldest and the youngest. Okay, I need you to clean up this, I need you to put this away and I need you to do this. Guess which one is going to say, oh, yes, with a happy heart? That little one. The other two are going to fight it. One's going to be like throwing himself on the ground, sobbing, and the other one's going to be like, eh, maybe later, and it's like no, the answer is yes, now, I will do it with a happy heart, because you provide food and shelter for me and I love you.
Speaker 2:Well, my nine-year-old who's getting ready to go into puberty. I think everything now is I hate my life.
Speaker 1:Thank goodness, it's just a phase.
Speaker 2:All you have to do is get up and put your dishes away. You are brutal.
Speaker 1:Well, I got to tell you about a funny story then. I hope that everyone listening and watching thinks it's funny too. So I'm trying to remember. This was about two weeks ago. It was our middle son, so our eight-year-old.
Speaker 1:He was the news anchor for his class and I was so excited because that's right up my alley so I'm trying to give him pointers, and of course he knows more than me. So I'm like, yeah, so I noticed that right away. I was like that's fine, so really proud of him for coming up with his own story idea. And then he was real to the point. He just wanted to write one sentence.
Speaker 2:Well, that is to the point.
Speaker 1:That is to the point. So he must have radio broadcasting in his future. So he was writing the one day and it was so sloppy I couldn't read it. I said you know, you're not even going to be able to read this for your class. And he's like, yeah, han just had all this attitude. Well, I crumpled it up. I said you're starting again. You are going to do your best work. We talk about that a lot. This was not your best work.
Speaker 1:He started sobbing and said I crushed all of his hopes and dreams and he has nothing left to live for. Oh, my gosh, that's so dramatic. Just slightly, my husband's jaw hit the floor and he was like seriously, seriously, he crushed all of his hopes and dreams, all of his hopes and dreams, all of his hopes and dreams, and he has nothing left. Or he said I don't know what else to live for. Is what he said? I was like wow. I said well, we're going to start with you taking a little time to yourself in your room and then we can finish this. There you go this half a sheet of paper later. Size font was like 45. You know how young kids write. So I was like that was slightly dramatic, but you know where I was proud of him. He took the time that he needed in his room. He came back down and apologized, but he did tell me before he went up there not to talk to him anymore, ever again.
Speaker 1:And then he came down and apologized and asked for help. So my husband and I turned to each other and I said I told my husband can you please tell our son that he asked me not to talk to him. So I don't really know if he wants me to or not. It was funny and then we made it through. But yes, I crushed all of his hopes and dreams and he didn't know what else to live for because I crumbled up his messy paper and made him do it again. I am awful right.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, absolutely. And my nine-year-old what?
Speaker 1:Go ahead. He didn't make that same mistake the next day.
Speaker 2:Oh see well then he learned Well what you're talking about, you know. I mean people remember how you make them feel and that saying they might not remember what you say or what you do, but they will remember how you make them feel. And I got a feeling around people many times and I instantly remember how a person makes me feel. Many times and I instantly remember how a person makes me feel. I can remember a person. I could meet somebody and in five minutes know if this is going to go well or not. We just met some family of ours that you know. I mean it was really cool to hang out with them and I am not one that likes to hang out with new people, I'm just like no you know I'm good, I have my people.
Speaker 1:I'm just like no, you know I'm good, I have my people, I don't need any more. That's it.
Speaker 2:And it was really an amazing experience. I was so glad that we got to sit with them at the Cleveland Browns game, cleveland and the Bengals game. We had so much fun with them. They were genuinely caring and I knew from an instant of even meeting them that this was going to be so nice. Just even with our introductions, I just went. I was so comfortable with them. So you know, I mean, you do remember how people make you feel.
Speaker 1:You do Absolutely. And I'm going to give the example of my middle son again. He has told me he's had a lot to say and it's at bedtime. You know, my husband rushes through bedtime and I tell him all the time I was missing out, because I mean he literally just hug and kiss and that's fine if that's what he wants to do, but I get the meat and potatoes at bedtime.
Speaker 1:And my middle son has been having a lot to say before bed and he's been thanking me quite consistently for making him feel loved, making him feel safe, making him feel comfortable, thanking me for talking things out with him, for helping him, and that is something that means so, so much to me, because I absolutely want to be all of those things for all of my kids whenever they need them, and for people that are really important in my life, and even for strangers. You know, one of the things in my job that I have been told often is not only is my voice calming, but I am down to earth and I feel calm, or I help calm people down, like when we're doing interviews and such, and you know that I have a calming to me and that's important to me. I want people to feel safe and loved and like warm. You know you want to feel like a warm, cozy house when you meet someone, and so that is definitely a goal of mine.
Speaker 2:Well, what if we went into all conversations with compassion and forgiveness before the conversation even starts, like we go in saying we are going to completely be the puzzle and we need to really hear all sides in here when the where the person was at that particular time in their life to be able to take it all in before we jump to a resolve? It is a beautiful thing to enter with love and knowing all the information.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really is as the saying goes, and my husband often tells our kids we were given one mouth and two ears, so we need to listen twice as much as we speak, and I think that's the key word, though, is listen. I think so many times we go into a conversation wanting to be heard or wanting our voice or our side to be heard, but oftentimes people just need some ears to listen. It's not your opinion. They need Sometimes just talking, like we did off air before we started recording today. It was about the schedule of our days today. Sometimes you just got to get it out so that your brain can sort it out and figure it out. It's not that you need anyone to tell you how to do it, it's that you just need to process it out loud. So I do think and I feel like being a good listener really is a gift, and not everybody has that gift.
Speaker 2:We have a young man in our area that gosh, I just want to adopt him. I want. I don't know if you've heard of the guy from McDonald's in our area that he was even in the parade this summer. I did not. He is well. He sings to you when you go through the drive-thru.
Speaker 1:Oh no, really he's got an absolute beautiful voice.
Speaker 2:He's probably not even 20, and he could be on American Idol and do really well and he'll sing to you while he's giving you your food. And the other day I ordered and I went through and they sent me to the other window because it was taking just a couple minutes longer and he hands me. All I got was ice. And he gave me my order and he's like I am so sorry for your weight. And I went oh, it wasn't, it wasn't even really a weight. And he said what's your name? And I said Ann and he said, oh, my grandma's name was blah, blah, blah. And Ann was in the name. And he showed me his tattoo with the word grandma on his forearm and he started talking to me. Just, you know, really personable, and I left feeling so special. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's all it takes. It was so simple and I was just this old lady at McDonald's and he took time. He took time.
Speaker 1:Did you just describe yourself as an old lady?
Speaker 2:Yes, I did describe myself as an old lady, but if you want to hear the rest of that, you got to listen to part two. Thank you for listening to part one and we will talk more about Mary J Blige's acceptance speech. It was an amazing one and she said a lot more and we really delved into it. Thank you so much for listening to Real Talk with Tina and Anne and we will see you next time for part two.
