Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Finding Gratitude
Imagine transforming your life with just three simple words a day. Tina takes us on an inspiring journey, revealing how her gratitude group helped turn everyday moments into treasured memories, especially as the holiday season is upon us. Alongside Ann, they discuss how these small daily acts can nurture hope and joy, bringing a sense of completeness and peace to our lives.
Caring for loved ones with Alzheimer's is an emotional journey but also gives moments that are deeply cherished. As we reflect on our roles as caregivers, we find gratitude in these passing moments and the comfort of mementos like a handmade hutch or a parent's Bible. The value of pets, shared experiences, and sentimental items remind us of the enduring connection and solace they provide, even in life's toughest times.
Music and laughter emerge as powerful tools for healing and unity within families. Stories of singing along to Ozzy Osbourne or finding harmony through Pink's songs highlight how these shared experiences uplift our spirits and bring us closer. We celebrate the warmth of family love, the learning that comes from life’s lessons, and the resilience fostered by gratitude and reflection. This episode is a heartfelt reminder to embrace your past, find strength in vulnerability, and cherish the experiences that shape us all.
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Castro: Real Talk with Tina and Ann (castro.fm)
Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne. I am Tina and I am Anne.
Speaker 2:Recently, tina, you started a gratitude page on Facebook and it got me to thinking, during this season of thankfulness and giving us Christmas approaches, that when you look around there are so many reasons to be hurting, but you know we can always find something to be grateful for. Writing that down to me has always helped me be able to focus on maybe a positive thing when there's so much negative things going on around me. So if you can find one reason to be grateful, you know that is a place to start.
Speaker 1:You're absolutely right and I wanted to share something that I wrote several years ago and it was based off of a travel log and I'm looking it up. Based on a travel log that explained why writing three good things each day really does help pull us from the depths of anything that we're feeling, or just helps us to shift our focus, like maybe you aren't in the depths of something, but maybe you want to be more positive and be more thankful. And the reason this is so special to me is because I did a gratitude group in. It looks like 2018, is because I did a gratitude group in. It looks like 2018, 2019, 2020. And that's the year that my mom started to go downhill. The official diagnosis came 2021, september, but I hadn't been able to do the gratitude group but this year. So it's been a few years, but this year I brought it back and it's doubled its membership since the last gratitude group. But I wanted to read something that I had written the first year that I did this gratitude group and it's all different questions each year, but I feel like this is pertinent information and, as I go back and look at it, my mom was participating at the time and it really is such a special gift at the time and it really is such a special gift.
Speaker 1:So, from ancient scriptures to the latest science, gratitude is known to be good for us and those around us. Yet it isn't always our automatic response and we often take the good things in our lives for granted. So we have to consciously learn to get into the habit of being grateful. Practicing gratitude has changed my life dramatically, as I've walked through some of the deepest valleys I've ever known. In scientific tests, people who practiced writing down three good things each night for just one week were happier and less depressed one month, three months and even six months later. So, yes, and why three things? Well, apparently there is some science behind that as well.
Speaker 1:Personally, I love odd numbers, so three really speaks to me. But there's no science there, it's just a personal thing. Some people like odd, some people like even, and I'm an odd number kind of girl. But in the Bible I did read that there is significance to the number three. Okay, so it stands for completeness, wholeness, perfection, so I feel like that's a good enough reason.
Speaker 1:Right to start with the number three. And gratitude is a simple but incredibly powerful tool. It turns what we have into enough. That's a quote from someone else, not me, but it's so great. I love to focus on that in November because I feel like we come out of Halloween and then we jump right to Christmas, but we're forgetting about this beautiful season of Thanksgiving. There is always something to be grateful for. I think you have to keep the hope to stay alive. To be honest with you, remember that one time, during one of our podcasts I shared, you can survive three days without water, three weeks without food, three months without hope, and I think that's something that will always stick with me because it's so important that we don't lose hope, even when we are in despair.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness, you just said so much right there. I just want to sit in it a minute, but I mean, that was really beautiful and I've never really thought of the three before, except for God is three, you know, three in one. So that really makes a lot of sense there. And gosh, that is really well said, tina.
Speaker 1:Thank you Well thanks. Yeah, you're so welcome. It's been something. I think I'm really good at it. I could spit off gratitude quotes and post on gratitude probably for a year straight. I have lots of books on it and I absolutely love it. But truly, when you write those things down in a little journal I have a journal that's just three lines each day and when I do it and I do not do it all the time, full disclosure, but when I do, it's so fun to look back and see a lot of the times it's the little things that meant the most.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Yes, I think I'm going to do that with my kids. Yes, I'm going to start that with them.
Speaker 1:It's so good, it's so, so good. I'm going to be picking it back up. I thought I'd give myself a couple, you know, the first two weeks of the month to get the ball rolling for our gratitude group online, and then I'm going to practice the last two weeks with my kids and see how long it goes. But yes, I have these big giant like posters that says so thankful for and they can, and they can write those down.
Speaker 2:Well, you know it is really the simple things and sometimes they're just right in front of you and if you don't make sure you know, purposefully pay attention you can miss what an amazing thing could be right in front of you.
Speaker 1:So true, it's so true, it's so important to practice gratitude.
Speaker 2:You know, I found this interesting because I have so many things in my life to be grateful for.
Speaker 2:I really do in this stage of my life my family and my friends you for one and I have like I can't even tell you how many, what a team of people we have for our kids and everything.
Speaker 2:Just so many people, people we have for our kids and everything, just so many people, and my grandkids and Carrie, who lives here with us and she helps me with so many things and my purpose. You know, that's not even anything. That just it just came to me when I was thinking about this podcast. I was like, yeah, I'm thankful for my purpose and I think that we all want to feel that we have an importance and a purpose and this podcast and I'm thankful for this platform. I'm thankful for any person who has helped me along the way. I'm thankful for you, like I said, tina. You know you are a very special friend to me and you are one that I honestly feel that I could tell you anything going on in my life and you remain true to our friendship, as I would for you as well, and those kinds of friendships are just golden.
Speaker 1:That's true friendship. We are both a vault for each other, which you need. That in a friend you don't need someone blabbing the stuff that you're being told they're telling you and someone that you can trust. I want to thank you, for two years ago really stood out to me. It was a really fearful time in my life and I won't go into the story behind it, but I remember showing up at your house with my youngest son and you just welcomed me in, welcoming me in. I'm sobbing, I'm fearful and you could tell man. You just welcomed me in, made me feel so comfortable, fed me, and I don't know that there's anyone else I could have turned to to be able to do that. It was kind of like reigniting our friendship, if you will and I will forever be grateful for that, because you really helped pull me from the depths of that situation, as silly as it may sound to some people, or if you knew the whole story, but it really did. The issue just ignited something in me. I guess I should say what it was really, did it? The issue just ignited something in me. I guess I should say what it was.
Speaker 1:I had mice in our house and it made me feel like I was being watched and we couldn't get them out of the house. It was just two of them, but we couldn't catch them for 31 straight nights. We had a hundred some mousetraps out of every different kind. It was absolutely the most ridiculous thing that you could ever imagine. Like, who can't catch mice right? Well, even the pros couldn't do it. So it was really a traumatic thing for me and it unleashed some trauma that I didn't know was there. But that was like the journey of getting through that and healing from that, and it definitely started with you. So I am super thankful for you and, even in the midst of the hard that so many of us have going on in our lives, I think that it's so important that we remember the people who help us through and all of the things that are good, because there is still so much good, even when it can be hard.
Speaker 2:Well, I was, you know, it's really funny about that if that's the word, but I was honored and it really comes down to a thankfulness that you trusted me. You know, my cat just went through something really that I was afraid we might have to put him down. It was that bad and it was just over the last week and it was just over the last week and well, you know, there is nothing like an animal that's hurt and they are entrusting all of you in their most vulnerable state. Yeah, you're right, and I actually said to him you know, I believe he understands me that you know, thank you for trusting me when you're this vulnerable and that's, you know, such an honor to be able to be with somebody when they are in a vulnerable state and they are really hurting. And so I really, you know, it means a lot to me that you would come to me, and I believe that I would come to you if it was reversed.
Speaker 1:I would hope so. I would absolutely hope so, because I am here for it.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't close the door on me.
Speaker 1:Nope, wouldn't do that ever. I may not feed you as well as you fed me, but, yes, I would never close the door on you.
Speaker 2:That's so funny. You know, there's a lot of hard things that we go on with our life and it's just, you know, even those times in our life where we just want to rewind time and just have those moments with the people who are lost, in whatever form that might be, and you and I can both really relate to that, and just being able to go back in time and be in that moment in time again, and just being in that moment in time even in my mind, brings back some gratitude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. Some statements are just. There are no truer statements. So hindsight is 20-20. You know, I wish I knew back then that it really was going to be okay. But who knew that such a situation would ignite such a fear in me and I'd have this unknown trauma pop up from my past? But I'm so grateful for the experience because it brought you and I together, brought my husband and I closer together. It got me the trauma counseling that I didn't know I needed, but I needed it, and things are so much better. It was probably the only road that would have led me to where I am today. I'm such a healthier, stronger person than I was then and I'm really grateful for that. I don't want to go back and experience it the same way I did before, but I'm really grateful for what I gained coming out of it.
Speaker 2:You know I always say that, that there's a reason that something is buried inside of us, that if there's a trigger or something that it needed to come out and so we have to go through it in order to be stronger, and sometimes things have been buried that we didn't even realize and you know that's really important that we don't ignore those things and we're actually grateful since we're talking about that for those triggers and for those helps along the way in order to help push us through. Absolutely true, you know, I would absolutely one of the things you know, as we look back in time, for some of those gratefulness times I would absolutely have a day with my dad. You know I was only 11. He was young and I was young when he passed away and it was right before Thanksgiving, and I would love to have that moment.
Speaker 2:You know, talking about thankful, some of my happiest moments were sitting right next to him on the couch, and he was a man of few words. He really was. He hardly ever talked, but I mean few. We would sit on the couch, he would have a beer and he would have his newspaper and he would read it, and I would sit there and just trace his tattoo on his arm, which was an anchor, and we really hardly said a word to each other. But those were some of the most special moments to me and he was just taken way too soon, but I am grateful for the time that I had with him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree with you, Taken way too soon indeed, and I feel that way just with my mom and her situation Early onset Alzheimer's. We're in year four, 64 years old onset Alzheimer's. We're in year four, 64 years old, just turned. And what I would do to go back in time and maybe even show more gratitude to her? I'm sure I know I did. I took some of the things that she was able to do with my kids and our family for granted, not on purpose, but because I thought I had more time.
Speaker 1:And it's really hard having your mom still physically here on earth but not mentally here. I can't call her and talk to her, I can only love her by being a caregiver. But she did say something to me that was really precious. She had a moment of clarity when I took care of her the other day and she said I love you, I really do, you're my prettiest pretty. And that was. I was just like oh, and we gave each other a big hug and you know that was as clear as it was for that moment in time.
Speaker 1:And she's never called it's not like she's always said you're my prettiest pretty or anything like that it was just oh, it was a real moment of I love you. It was like she was saying thank you. I hate this is happening, but thank you for loving me through it. It was really a special moment Only lasted a few seconds, but sometimes that's all it takes and I'll forever remember it. And you know, what's really cool about that is that you know that's how she feels when she's clear. Yes, yes, I can feel it even when she's not. I just I feel it. That love is still there, it's still there. So, as hard as it is, I'm so glad that you had that moment with her. Me too. I'm grateful for the time we get together, even though it's hard, because I know one day, sooner than I want and would like, and some days you're like, please don't last long, you know, because the hard days are really, really hard.
Speaker 2:Sure, sure, and that makes sense. Yeah Well, you know, I always didn't see it that way where I could feel or find some gratefulness in the hard times. I would spend a lot of my time focusing on the fact that he was gone or whatever it was. You know, and I've gotten here here, but it has taken a really long time for me to be able to look at things with a different perspective. You and me have absolutely talked about the journey on this podcast and we recognize the valleys. We allow the valleys to be a part of and, as hard as that is, we know it is a part of life. But if it were not for those hard times I know for a fact I wouldn't be where I am right now, like you just talked about with the triggering. Now I'm going to be honest. They have hurt deeply and there are moments in my life that I will never get back and people I will never get to have that cup of coffee with or have that connection with again.
Speaker 2:But I have a house full of those memories. You know, the love I give to my kids makes me think of those who loved me, the hope, the possessions that I have. I have some of the most prized possessions of my childhood people and I have a bin of my dad's stuff and sometimes you know, I'll just open it and I'll hold his glasses or hold a shoe that he used to wear or something like that. You know, I don't have a lot, but you don't need a lot and in fact I have to talk about this. Before my dad passed, he made a hutch. I don't even know if they call it a hutch anymore, but that's what we called it in our house. Do you know what a hutch is? I do, yeah, okay, is it an old-fashioned term? Because I don't even know.
Speaker 1:You know, I would still use it as well to describe the piece of furniture that you're talking about. Okay, describe the. The piece of furniture that you're talking about, um, is it? If I'm remembering correctly, it's um.
Speaker 2:It has, like, cabinets on the bottom right yes, and like a countertop, if you will, and something behind it maybe well, ours is a really nice, beautiful size, beautifully done. That he had made, and so he had gotten a woodworking room, a workshop, before he passed away. He actually had it built onto our garage Beautiful, I mean, just filled with tools and workbenches, and I mean he was committed about this thing. We did have a TV that he had made from scratch and this hutch. Right after he made it, right after he made the hutch, he died. So that hutch sits in the very center of my foyer when you walk in and it's the first thing you see.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. I'm such a visual person that there are some things, a lot of things that anyone has gifted me that I can look at and I'm like, oh, I remember that was from Anne, or that was from Beth, or that was from my mom, and sometimes that's why I don't want to wear them or use them, because I don't want them to go bad or fall off. I don't want to lose them, because it's so precious from who it came from. I've always been like that, so I can see how beautiful it would be to have something like that.
Speaker 1:When my grandpa, my German grandpa, passed away the year after COVID, I wanted something that reminded me of him, and I used to work with him and we were very, very close, and so one of the things that I got was his comb. It's just nothing fancy, it's just a black little comb. Yeah, that he kept in his pocket, but what he would do is, anytime it rained, he swore that rainwater was the best rain for his hair. So when it would rain, he would go outside, just stick his head under the awning where the water was just pouring off, and he'd get his hair wet and he'd use that comb and he'd get his hair wet and he'd use that comb and he'd say look, I look like a spring chicken now. And that's how he would do his hair. And he would say feel it, look how soft it is. It's the rainwater. So I remember that from working with him.
Speaker 1:It's a great memory. Yes, so I have one of his favorite sweatshirts that he always wore and I have this comb that he would just pull out of his pocket on a rainy day and he would comb his hair because that rainwater made it soft. So I absolutely get how there can be such special meaning in the big and the small things, because that's the only thing that I have, the only things I have from him. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I had an aunt. I had this aunt. She couldn't have been more than four feet tall. I mean, I don't know. I can still remember her driving and putting a phone book, you know, putting on the phone book, so she could go like this and look through it. I mean, but only Aunt Hazel could get away with it. She was the most petite, loving, better old lady. No offense, aunt Hazel, but she was so sweet and she just had my heart and she was so nice to me and was my dad's sister and when she passed away I was considered I was the closest living relative to her at the time, along with one other unmentionable person.
Speaker 2:But I got to go to her apartment. You know, when they say, you know, go in, isn't that a weird? Have you ever had that happen? They just say go in and kind of take what you want from this person and all you really have left of this person is their belongings. And so all I wanted was a music box that I had given her. It was a really beautiful bird music box that she always had out and a candy dish that she always had holes in it and whenever I would come over I don't know if it was like elderly person thing, way back in the day. I'm talking way back in the day where they used to always have a hole. She would always have a holes and it's so funny, but she, I had to have that dish. It just meant so much to me and it would always make me smile.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. My grandma, my favorite grandma again, no offense, right, but I think sometimes we all have a favorite it was my mom. She was my mom's mom. She passed away the day after my second son was born, and talk about a mix of emotions and I wanted people to go to. They did everything fast with burial and things like that. I couldn't go because I'd had a C-section and our son at the time was a little bit jaundiced. I couldn't leave the hospital so I didn't get to go to her services. I'm okay with that. My parents ended up, you know they filmed it for me, the burial, and I did get to see that. And I'm not, that's not. That's not a thing I like to do anyway, it's just with anybody, I'd rather not have to go to those things if I don't have to. I like to keep the memories, you know, of them living instead of that last vision. That's just me. Some people really need that foreclosure. I do not.
Speaker 2:I don't either.
Speaker 1:Good, I'm glad that there's someone else who feels similarly, because I sometimes feel odd about that. But that is who I am. I would much rather not.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you why. Because I remember, as an 11-year-old kid, going to my dad's funeral and experiencing that, with him laying in the casket and everything, and I don't need that. I don't need that to say goodbye.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I can understand how you might feel that way, for sure. Well, speaking of the dishes and it wasn't Hall's, but it was those cough drops that just taste like candy, mm-hmm, oh, they're wild cherry Gosh, that's going to drive me. Ludens Ludens, yes, ludens Ludens, we got there. Yes, so my grandma would always have those.
Speaker 1:But when she passed, there were three things that I got to keep that were hers. The first one was her candy dish. It's one of those old school, vintage 1970, like orange and clear. You push the top down to pull it off and it almost looks like you know the old Tupperware style underneath it. And we all had M&Ms in that. We would just a variety of M&Ms, and I remember that. So I got that.
Speaker 1:I also got we were big game players card games, and so she had this. Really Us too. Yes, how exciting. Oh, all the time, yes, all the time. This, it was like a roll of paper, kind of like a receipt roll for the calculators. You know that you print off, but it was rectangular and you could use this little dial on the side to scroll the paper up and then tear it off the top. So I still have that and I have this red, white and blue blanket, this small blanket that she always used to cover me with when we would be over long before the TiVo days, you know, the DVR and watch when you want it would be.
Speaker 1:I would go with her to her, my grandpa, to bowling, and then we would have to be home, you know, at a certain time, because Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy were on, which this is how my whole love of game shows started, and so she would cover me with this blanket and she would scratch my back the whole time. She would always ask is that good, can I stop now? No, grandma, and she would keep going. I don't know how her arm never fell off. I mean, I'm talking like an hour, hour and a half, oh, my gosh. So my three favorite things that I remember from grandma and grandpa's house.
Speaker 1:And I got something else that really stands out to me about that grandma. She had this cherry almond shampoo and conditioner. I can smell it right now as I'm telling you this story, and sometimes I will just get a whiff of it. Has that ever happened to you? Where you just smells are a big thing to me. The super nose, I just somehow smells speak to me and I sometimes I just smell it out of nowhere and you know you look around and you can't help but smile and think of that person. Oh, of course, I was away recently out of state on a little adventure and in the little shop I chose to go into I just you know it's filled with all kinds of things. I happened to walk by this little lotion and I smelled it and it was cherry almond and it just took me right back to my grandparents' basement Isn't that great, yes where she would wash her hair and I just thought, man, so many great memories with my grandma. I just love it. It's where we all get our orneriness from. It started with her.
Speaker 2:You know, you touched on something that I really hadn't thought about, because I'm thinking of the tangible things and this is a different way of looking at it. Is that watching the Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy or something like that today could make you still bring back that memory? Oh yeah, that's what happens with my son. He wants to watch those shows with me. My one son wants to watch these shows and we watch a lot. He watches some of the shows that I really like and I know because he'll say, when Jeopardy comes on and we hardly ever watch it really but for some reason he's like oh, that's our show and it's so funny because, you know, I can picture him when he's like 30 or 40 or something like that, talking to his kids and saying you know, my mom and I used to watch this show together. So those are the kind of things you don't need to even hold something in your hand to be able to experience such a great joy.
Speaker 1:No, you're so right about that, and I think that that'll be the same for my boys. I think that you know there are certain shows that we watch now that they will remember later, and it will make them think of us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it. You know, I had this cousin. I guess he was an older cousin named Wally and he was a cousin of my dad's and they were actually raised together. But he would end up being the man who kind of took that role for me, you know, for my dad, a dad role. I guess you could say he had written me a note when I ran away. I was making I was really searching, but it seemed like, even though I was really searching, that he just always happened to kind of, even from a distance, say it'd be a note or a small gift, or he would just kind of let me know he was there. And I have this $2 bill that he gave me all those years ago and I will have it. I will always have it. My kids will know who gave me that $2 bill. And I still have my mom's Bible and her glasses. Like we said, you know, just things that bring those memories.
Speaker 1:Memories are such treasures and truthfully I do believe this. If we don't stop and pause in the joy-filled or grief-filled chaos of life whatever your chaos and I mean that in a good way and also in a crazy way if we don't stop to think about these memories, they really do start to fade. They really truly do so. That's another reason I think it's so important, at least once a year, during the month of November, to stop and think about all there is to be grateful for, or, throughout the year, to stop and think of those who may have passed on, or that special trinket that you have sitting around and talk about who it's from, why it's special to you. It's so important because I've heard too before that your memory will can't remember. You know everything, and so I feel like it's so important we got to remember because we're cycling through so much information all the time, and some of it is worth going back and revisiting.
Speaker 2:Well, I just want to tell you something that I started to do, but I need to be better at it and finish this. Going around the house and taking pictures of the items that you want to pass down to the next generation or whatever, and next to the pictures, you know, you make an album with the pictures in them and with a note of what they were, who they belong to. So they know, you know I love that. Yeah, I don't know where or if I heard it somewhere, but I started doing it.
Speaker 1:I love that, absolutely love that I might be stealing it.
Speaker 2:You know, one other thing that I've turned loss into gratitude is my animals. You know my animals have gotten me through some of the most difficult times in my life. I will grab my whatever animal it is Now it's my cat. I will grab my animal when I'm hurting a lot, and they have. All of my animals have acted as service animals to me and I love each and every one of them to this day, even some that I've had I had as a child. I can remember what they did for me and I have, weirdly like this little shrine of them, this entire shelf in one of my rooms with their pictures and collars and ashes, and it's done in a way where it's not like ew, I mean, you've got all those ashes. It's more like a nice tribute to each of them and they just make my heart smile if I'm hurting a lot right now with whatever I'm going through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I certainly agree. I'll tell you the loss of my dogs over the years, particularly my two dogs that I've lost, one almost four years ago and the other one almost two years ago Tell you what some of the absolute, most hardest, difficult, grief-filled times of my life and, like you, I have them, their ashes, in my room and some days. And I have a picture frame, a digital picture frame that is looped and it has all the pictures, lots of pictures of us and us and our dogs, and most days now I can look at it with just pure joy. You know, and, gosh, still, man, do I miss them, because my one dog was my very best friend and I feel like 10 years just wasn't enough and there are still a few days where I have to unplug the picture frame because it's too hard, it's too real. I've just gone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's interesting how the same picture can either bring you joy or pain or both, isn't it?
Speaker 1:It's so true, and I don't even know what it is that triggers the difference for me. But just recently I had to unplug it and I plugged it back in just a day or two ago. I was ready to see it again. But sometimes it's like man, 10 years is such a long time, but at the same time it's so short it is, and your mind is just flooded with all of those years of being together and you want more, because it was so good and you never know what you're going to get with the next pet.
Speaker 1:So we haven't pulled the trigger yet on another dog. But our little guy sure does want one. I do too, don't get me wrong. But I don't know what my holdup is, but until I'm 100% ready, I know when you're ready?
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you're ready. This is an interesting one is my kids' laughter. There are times when life is so hard. There are times when life is so hard and I'll be sitting there and I'll hear them in the other room. Just start laughing so hard and you want to talk about a heart lift, you know yes, I love my kids laughs, and really any laugh.
Speaker 1:Just it just brings the spirit to the room. I have a ceramic bowl that I made years and years and years ago before I had kids, and the quote in the middle of it says laughter is an instant vacation and it's so fun to sometimes just hear that and be able to. It's kind of like whatever is happening in that moment just isn't anymore and you're just focused on that laughter. I agree, man. There's nothing like my kids' laughs, especially those belly laughs where it's almost like a growl type of laugh. I love them.
Speaker 2:And I love too that they still I mean, they're just, they're still young, but getting older but they still want to include me in everything and all their laughter and stuff and that just means everything to me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. It really is such a joy and a treasure, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Another one that you don't have to physically touch is music. You know music. I can just turn a song on and my entire spirit, heart, everything about me, just feels better just by turning on a song. And I can remember this one moment and it has brought so much joy to me and I don't even know why, because it's not really a joyful song, but it was just the moment of the song we're driving.
Speaker 2:It was like I don't really want to say Thelma and Louise, but it makes me think of these two women just driving down the street, top off of the car, and just kind of, you know, like this free spirit, kind of feeling of fun. And that's how it was in that particular moment. And Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train came on and we just started belting out this song, my Oldest Daughter and Me, and we just started just acting it out, just singing and jamming and in the car, and the weather was perfect and it just was like a beautiful night and we just looked at each other when it's all over and just like, oh, that was awesome. I guarantee she remembers that too, because she has brought it up in the past. It was just such an uplifting time.
Speaker 1:I love that story. Music definitely speaks to me too, and I know it speaks to my oldest son, or maybe not speaks to yet, but he really enjoys singing along. So we, oh my gosh, this summer I feel like I've dubbed certain summers the summer of whatever CD we've listened to the most. This would definitely be the summer of the Trolls songs, the movie Trolls. So we know all of them by heart. Even our littlest guy knows all of them too, and it's fun to be able to just to be able to sing together all of it. But while we're speaking of music, I want to tell you there are three songs that stand out to me. One you'll love this choice that makes me oh, I just sing it like I am her, and I think it's more the beat than anything, but it's Pink Sober. I love that song. I know you love Pink. I do love Pink.
Speaker 2:That song. I've only seen her five times in concert, but yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that song I've only seen it five times in concert but yeah, oh yeah, but I, that song makes me jam, the song I feel like I relate to most now. So if, if you, I'm, it's kind of like I love looking back at my quote collection over the years, and I have so many. I love looking at them because between that and the songs that speak to my heart, you can tell the seasons that I walked through. And so my song right now and my dad would say this to be true for him too it's the Jelly Roll song. I'm Not Okay, but it's All Gonna Be Alright. That song, I feel like, single-handedly added a piece to my healing puzzle, because every time you feel like you're not alone and that someone can relate to just pain you don't have to have the same type of pain, but just relate, just relatable, right, that song is phenomenal. And then the third song I'll tell you that I love Jelly Roll. Just put that out there. Yes, same. The third song that really speaks to me and or had in the past that I mean.
Speaker 1:I remember, like whoa, one of those moments where, oh my gosh, I understand what I need to do now. This was back in the depths of addiction for some family members of mine. In a six-month span we lost three precious cousins to addiction and I literally was shaking my fists at God and saying why don't you do something? Why didn't you do anything? Just angry like I don't understand. And that song came on why Don't you do something? It's a Christian song I'm trying to think of exactly. I'm not always great at exactly what the name is, but it said I shook my fist at heaven and said God, why don't you do something? And then he said I did, I created you. And that was like. This just swarmed me with oh my gosh, I'm supposed to go out now and do something about this. So those are the three songs that stand out to me, one current one that just makes me jam and one from my past that I just hang on to because it was so powerful. What doors that opened up for me. That song about doing something.
Speaker 2:Well, I just want to add a little story here. When you mentioned pink, we have a thing in our car on any trip, no matter how short or long my kids go, to like getting in a fight. Whatever we turn pink on whatever song, everybody instantly stops fighting and singing. Everybody instantly stops fighting and singing, they just start singing. It's like the most awesome thing. I mean, if I ever get the chance to ever meet Pink, I would tell her that she has saved our family from fights and everything else, because they know every word to almost every song that she has and it just like brings out a whole vibe into our car and everybody just forgets what was wrong and they just start singing.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. On a funny note, I said to my husband today. I said you know it'll instantly stop, or you know any fight or just make me not want to fight is if you just do a chore, you just clean. So there's another one. I saw it on Facebook and I tagged him in it and it was a funny conversation that we had. I was like but it's true.
Speaker 2:You know, one of my most prized possessions that I keep forever are my kids' gifts. They're my kids' little and not the things that they buy at a store. It is the things that they make. And the last few days my one daughter, she just keeps here mama, I made you this, I made you this, I made you this, and it just makes me just my whole insides feel all warm and cozy and I don't know. So you know, I have this shelf of things that they make and it just goes up there and it also makes them feel really special. You know, it makes them feel like I'm recognizing what they gave me and it was important to me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I agree with you for sure. And one of my other favorite things that will instantly melt my heart is unsolicited. I love yous or hugs. There you go From my kids. Every single one of them does it, and I don't think there's any greater feeling. It's one thing to say love you and then you get the love you in return, but it is one thing for them to initiate it, for them to want to still snuggle you every single night, for them to just come up and hug you for no reason at all. I love that.
Speaker 2:All three of my kids and I even have, well, four. I have a 29-year-old, and these three that are still here, littles, all three of them the 11, the 8, and the 9-year-old all want to still cuddle with me.
Speaker 1:Same, same here. It's a fight every night, and some nights I have to cut it short because I'm like one of my favorite shows is on tonight. Kids, I can't be in here that long because I cannot wait to see what happens. You know how you like your screen time. I like mine too, and I can't be up all night, so, but I still give them something. I think my oldest just needs that touch as like a security, you know, just laying in bed and just hugging him, and it's just for a minute or two. That's what he needs. So I make sure to fill the love bucket, as we've talked about before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like when you say that you know when life really gets to me, when I want to focus on all the difficulties of the day of my kids and whatever else it is financial or personal. You know, because I could sit there in bed and stay up all night and really think about it and really let it get to me to the point where I can't sleep at all and it's just a Calgon moment. I don't know if you remember those old commercials where it was like Calgon take me away, am I showing my age?
Speaker 1:Oh, isn't it like a perfume or something? It was like a bath or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's like Calgon, take me away. So when you're laying there and all the heaviness is just, you know, all these thoughts and everything are going through your head. You can go in two different directions. I can lie there and just focus on the pains of the day, and I have done that. You know full disclosure. I can be one of those people or I can find something in the day to be thankful for, and it is those days that it can be the most trying. But I know that there is something in there that I can be thankful for and I can find it and the feeling when I start focusing in on maybe it was a laugh or something like that, no matter how small it's just the heaviness starts to subside.
Speaker 1:I agree it goes back to the thing we talked about in the very beginning. Every one of us should be writing down three good things every single night. Keep a notebook by your bedside to keep track of it, because it really does help you flip the switch right before you go to bed.
Speaker 2:And this is another thing that we do every single day is we don't let the things of yesterday come into today. And so you know, I really don't, unless it's something really serious with one of my kids. You know, we don't keep talking about what they did wrong yesterday and we let the punishments or consequences, however you want to view it, to be yesterday and today. This is a brand new day, you're starting over and we all have a brand new start today. I mean, there's always a spring comes after winter. You know, there's always a new spring, there's always a new day.
Speaker 1:I could not agree anymore. It is something that we practice here too. I try to tell my kids don't make it an issue and it won't be an issue. Okay, so you got a bad grade. As Taylor Swift would say shake it off, you did your best. You know she doesn't say all that, she just says shake it off. But you know I knew what you meant. Let's try again. You know we can. We can try again, but I don't ever want them to think I'm counting the things that they've done wrong, because I wouldn't want someone to keep that record of me either. So I always say it's really important that when you make a mistake, you saying I'm sorry is part of it. It doesn't make everything better, but the point of an apology or the point of a mistake is to learn from it so that you make less of them as you go about life.
Speaker 2:Right and you don't want people to actually see or think that you're only seeing them for that moment in time of what happened. And I always want to make sure that my kids make sure. I want them to know that I see them. I recently had an incident at when I was dropping off medication for my one of my kids at school and the other one was in the hall and a little bit of trouble. And so I happen to be standing there and he saw me and he goes off to the side behind one of the teachers. You know I'm like, oh yeah, go hide. Yeah, go hide. Though they saw me and I was like I'm not going to leave because I wanted him to be able to see me and that I was there.
Speaker 2:So I go in. They said do you want to come in and talk to him? Because they could tell I wasn't leaving. So I go in and he just looks at me and I said come on, you know you got this, you can do this, you can go back to class. And so he gets up and he starts going over to his room and he looked still like he thought he was in trouble and I said come here. And I put my hands on his face and I said I love you and you go, just go, be your best self. You got this and he's like OK, love you, you know. And he went in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good, that's so good. My oldest tends to like to talk a lot at bedtime, at snuggle time, so I sometimes get frustrated that my husband is missing out on some real quality time because he'll hurry through the bedtime routine. And I understand why, because sometimes it can drag on. I think a lot of us parents can agree, but it is such a special time and recently our oldest son puts all this pressure on himself. We are not pushing him to get straight A pluses, that's what he wants to get. We keep and we will keep saying it, you know, 100% all the time. That's just not a reasonable goal. It's great to want to get a few of those throughout the year, but that's not something you need to strive for every time. And he gets trapped in the but, what if? But what if? To happen. Instead of the what ifs, you need to be telling yourself I am capable, I'm doing my best, I've studied hard, I am smart, I got this, things like that. And so then we practice saying those at night. Whether it helps or not is yet to be determined, but I will say this is kind of funny.
Speaker 1:So my oldest has a ELA test and he didn't finish it the other day, so he'll have to finish it this week sometime. And he said that nobody's doing good. People are getting Ds and Fs. And I said I'm really sorry to hear that. And he said well, what if I get a D or an F? And I said well, as long as you're giving it your best, honey I mean, I failed single tests before I said you'll still be grounded for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1:And he looked and was like wait, what did you say? I was joking with him, of course, and it just opened the door for him to laugh a little bit. And then I told him I said you know what? Take the pressure off yourself. Just fail it too. And he looked at me so confused, like mom, why are you saying that? And I said, buddy, there's no point in putting all this pressure on yourself. If you don't know the material. You don't know it. If everyone in the class is feeling like you're saying, then your teacher has to do something about it, because I feel like then that is on her. So I said I don't really mean to go in and fail, but don't put all this pressure on yourself. Do your best. Your best is enough. Stop overthinking, stop second guessing. Just do your best work, because that is who you are, that is what you do. You've got this, so we'll see when he comes home today if it was any better.
Speaker 2:It's funny that you said that.
Speaker 1:It's just making me remember how a couple of times you know with my kids because we always have these. You know my kids because we always have these. You know you've talked about your little things that you say when they're going out the door to school. Yes, and you know about um be kind, have fun, help others and, most importantly, and they finish the sentence I love you.
Speaker 2:Well there's. We have our thing too, you know, and but there's been a couple times, just for the fun of it, I'll sneak it in really fast and see if they catch, if they're really listening to me. I said have your worst day ever and give your teachers a really, really hard time. And they both turn around and go wait what?
Speaker 1:Yes, you can relate yes, you can relate.
Speaker 2:It was just I just wanted to see if they really hear my saying have your best day ever or your worst day ever. If they're really and they, they, they heard me that was fun, so so good so do you have any quotes that you want to end with on gratefulness during this season?
Speaker 1:I have like a million, so. So if I could say we don't have time for a million, but All right. Well, you'll recognize some of these because they're from the gratitude group, but I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. That was Winston Churchill who said that, isn't that true? It is true Also true, and I don't know who to give credit for for this one. But gratitude sweetens even the smallest moments. I can relate to that one as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what we're talking about in this podcast right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how about we rise by lifting others? That is true, yes. And then I'll leave you with two last ones. Never regret a day in your life. Good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memory that one hits all the feels. Oh my gosh, I love that, isn't it beautiful? Yeah, so beautiful, it's really special. Who said that I don't know? Beautiful, yeah, so beautiful, it's really special. Who said that I don't know? Who said that I wish I did, but it's one of those makes you stop and think. And then, finally, my favorite author is Bob Goff, and he says we grow where we are loved, which, by the way. He has a new book coming out in December that I pre-ordered, and it's called Catching Whimsy, and I cannot wait to get that book in my hands.
Speaker 2:I got his children's book version Of Love Does yes. I think all my children. I'm reading it with my one son, who I'm homeschooling right now, because we get the time. Isn't it amazing? And I just love it.
Speaker 1:It's so, so good in both forms adult and child's version. Yes, we love that book. That book is so inspiring. I think everybody should read it. I love it. Well, thank you all for joining us on this gratitude edition of Real Talk with Tina and Anne. We look forward to catching up again in the next week.
Speaker 2:I'm going to leave you with this. I am addicted to Jelly Rolls music right now. Some of his songs hit me right where I live and he could preach to me all day. But the song I Am Not Okay resonates with me so deeply. I am not okay. I'm barely getting by. I'm losing track of days and losing sleep at night. I am not okay. I'm hanging on the rails. So if I say I'm fine, just know I learned to hide it. Well, I know I can't be the only one who's holding on for dear life, but God knows I know when it's all said and done. I'm not okay, but it's all gonna be all right. It's not okay, but we're all gonna be all right.
Speaker 2:I woke up today. I almost stayed in bed and the devil on my back and voices in my head. Some days it ain't all bad. Some days it all gets worse. Some days I swear I'm better off laying in that dirt. I know I can't be the only one who's holding on for dear life, but God knows I know when it's all said and done. I'm not okay, but it's all going to be all right. It's not okay, but we're all going to be all right, going to be all right, going to be all right. It's not okay, but we're all going to be all right, going to be all right, going to be all right. I know one day we'll see the other side, the pain all washed away and a holy water tide and we all going to be all right. I know I can't be the only one who's holding on for dear life, but God knows. I know when it's all said and done, I'm not okay, but it's all going to be all right. It's not okay, but we're all going to be all right. I'm not okay, but it's all going to be all right.
Speaker 2:And I'll tell you what that song is really popular right now because of its message. And there's a lot of stuff going on these days in the world and life is hard. It is hard and to be thankful is harder sometimes and to be thankful is harder sometimes. But, like Tina and I said, if we can just find one thing in our day to be grateful for, maybe it's your breath, maybe it's a smile somebody gave you, it could be something, anything that touched your soul, and I pray that every single day you have something that touches your soul because you deserve it and don't sit in the problems of what is. Don't sit in it, move, keep moving. Be your best self. You know, coming from a life where I chose a lot of sin and the people before me chose a lot of sin.
Speaker 2:He also has another song about being a sinner. There's a song that he sings called Unpretty, in the album from Beautifully Broken and he says been a broken down car on a side street, damn near lost it all on a bad week. I was praying for change. How could only 12 steps? Feel so far away? So many lies. I stopped counting. Trying to walk a straight line felt like trying to move a mountain and I was praying for change. Would have died if I'd stayed the same.
Speaker 2:I hate the man I used to be, but he'll always be a part of me Right now. Looking at my past, I know it's unpretty, can't hide the pain that I've been through. I wear my scars like my tattoos. The man I was was wrong, but he's the one who built me. I am nothing without my sins. I can't pretend I'm not unpretty.
Speaker 2:Been the whiskey glass left half empty, seen the bright lights a few times and that's what saved me. Ain't no stranger to pain. The ones who love me all feel the same with every one step forward, fell ten steps back. Lot of years in the dark felt just like that. Oh, I never thought I'd see the day when I forgive myself and say I hate the man I used to be, but he'll always be a part of me.
Speaker 2:Right now, looking at my past, I know it's unpretty, oh Lord, I know. Can't hide the pain that I've been through. I wear the scars like my tattoos. The man who I was was wrong, but he's the one who built me. I am nothing without my sins. I can't pretend I'm not unpretty. Say I am nothing without my sins. I can't pretend I'm not unpretty. I hate the man I used to be, but he'll always be a part of me. Right now, looking at my past, I know it's on pretty that no matter what you've done, you can pick up the pieces and you can move forward, and what has happened is a part of who you are. But that's a great place to start. God can always meet us right where we are. Thank you for listening and see you next time.
