Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
When Life Gives You Lemons and all you have is a straw
Ever found yourself facing life's sourest moments with nothing but a flimsy straw and sheer determination? That feeling when survival feels scrappy, resilience feels exhausting, and hope comes in sips rather than gulps?
In this raw, honest conversation, we dive deep into what it really looks like to navigate life's toughest seasons when you feel underequipped, unseen, or simply exhausted. From unexpected grief to family crises, financial hardships to emotional burnout, we explore the messy reality of MacGyvering your way through adversity with whatever tools you have available.
We challenge the notion of toxic positivity that demands artificial cheerfulness during genuine struggle, and instead make space for emotional honesty. You'll discover why feeling without shame while still choosing to move forward creates the foundation for true resilience. We share personal stories about creative coping mechanisms when traditional healing methods aren't accessible – from crying in the shower to blasting music in the car to decluttering a room to declutter the mind.
The conversation shifts to the power of community during our darkest moments. While independence is often celebrated, we reveal why resilience isn't actually a solo sport and how borrowing strength from others sustains us until we rebuild our own reserves. You'll walk away understanding how reframing "why me?" to "what now?" transforms your relationship with difficulty and puts you back in the driver's seat of your own story.
Stay with us until the end where we celebrate the importance of small victories in a culture that only recognizes dramatic triumphs. Remember – even with just a straw, you can still sip your way through the storm, because sometimes surviving is the victory. Your resilience in working with limited resources isn't just survival—it's a testament to the remarkable human spirit.
Welcome to Real Talk, where we're going to talk about when life gives you lemons and all you have is a straw.
Speaker 2:I am Tina and I am Ann, ever felt, tina or anyone out there, like life, dumped a sour situation in your lap and then snatched away the sugar, the spoon and the pitcher? What if all you're left with is a flimsy straw and a whole lot of lemons? In this raw and witty episode, we dive deep into those moments when survival feels scrappy, resilience feels exhausting and hope comes in sips, not gulps. I mean, what do you do when life hands you lemons but doesn't give you the tools to make lemonade Just a straw Maybe it's even correct and all you have is yourself? You know your own grit.
Speaker 2:In this candid, humorous and heartfelt episode of Real Talk with Tina Inyam, we talk about what it really looks like to make it through the hard seasons when you feel unequipped, unseen or just plain tired, from unexpected grief to financial crisis, burnout to betrayal, family crisis, which is kind of what I'm going through right now. This is the episode for anyone who's had to MacGyver their way through adversity with duct tape, a prayer and sheer willpower. But just know this you'll walk away knowing that, even with just a straw, you can still sip your way through that storm, because sometimes you can still sip your way through that storm, because sometimes surviving is the victory.
Speaker 1:Oh amen to that. You know I am a MacGyver when it comes down to it, in so many different ways and in areas of life, and I use duct tape too for a lot of things. For real, if you have duct tape, you're good. Yeah, super glue and Neosporin those are like the things that can make life just so much better. It can fix almost anything.
Speaker 2:I used to always super glue my teeth in when I had a heart. It fell out and I couldn't keep it in and my dentist did it and it only lasted so long and super glue really worked for a while.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll tell you, when we had our dog Georgie he was a pit boxer mix and he would get these pustules that would kind of burst and they'd bleed all over the place and they were about the size of a dime and you'd have to sometimes super glue those together to get it to stop. Yeah, so I'm telling you, super glue, duct tape, macgyvering it up. Sometimes that is the victory. Well, that's a visual, I know. Sorry, but it's true.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about when life gives you the bare minimum and expects magic from it. I feel like probably most of us moms can attest to that, that we somehow make magic happen. So these are the moments when you're running on fumes emotionally, financially, spiritually and the world still wants your best performance, which is funny because, you know, I tell my kids sometimes your best is only 70%, this day, you know, or that day, and that is enough. But yet we probably don't show ourselves that grace. So it's showing up to a five alarm fire with a squirt gun and a smile. Oh, could you even imagine that? Would you even still feel hope? Here's the thing Even if you're working with the bare minimum, showing up at all is brave and I think that's something to applaud. So these are the moments where the character is built in the cracks. Survival might not look shiny, but it is real and it is valid.
Speaker 2:You know, I've been trying to put that fire out with a squirt gun for a while now, but I keep on squirting. You know, that's the thing. I just keep on squirting. It's like I run to a bucket. Well, we'll just call it a toilet. Right now I'll run to the toilet, fill up my squirt gun with dirty toilet water and then run over and keep trying to put out this fire, because that, legit, is what it feels like right now. You know. Do you remember, tina, when last summer, when my I think it was my hose was frozen or something outside, and then I couldn't fill up my pool and we have a really big pool so I was running inside the house filling up this bucket, running outside pouring it in. I mean, it was like the funniest thing, but I was doing it, you know, and I was showing up, I was making it happen, I was determined, and I don't know how long I would have done that, but I am a pretty determined person. I might've kept doing it until it was full. It might've taken me all summer.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm determined like that as well, but I think that's why we can keep going right?
Speaker 2:I think so, but when we're in situations like that, you know we have two choices. We show up with the tools that we have. You know they might not be the best tools, but we show up or not. So I mean, what else is our choice but allow the problem to get the best of us and not show up and not use the tools that we have?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that you just have to keep going and you have to do something, because movement spawns more movement and all of those movements add up to progress. I feel like forward progress.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, when I was a little kid and I've told this story before, but I didn't have the tools that my peers did to learn and I was autistic, I didn't have the executive functioning and the working memory. You could say I was coming to school, sitting in class listening to a teacher asking about basic math and it was like rocket science to me. It just wasn't making any sense and the words were all jumbled up on the page when I would try to work, when I would try to read. Retaining comprehension just wasn't a gift for me. So wasn't a gift for me.
Speaker 2:So you know, I was so lost in that classroom but I wanted to learn. So bad, I would say to myself, I am going to figure this out. So I used the tools that I had. I had a tape recorder, I had a pencil and I had a paper and I made the best of what I had. You know, everybody in the classroom was sitting there answering the questions, keeping up understanding what the teacher was saying, and I was still back on. You know, what page did she say to open up to? Because I mean, that's how lost I really was. But I used what I could.
Speaker 1:You did great. I mean, look at you now. I remember. I remember struggling with comprehension too, during my school years, and even still sometimes today. When I'm watching something or you know, particularly if things are over my head a little bit, I you know something that I wouldn't naturally understand or something that I'm not interested in. I struggle to, you know, focus and digest it. But you're right, we find ways to understand and make it work for how we need it to, and that's's the beauty. You know, we're all different and so we all learn and cope differently. People would tell me in school oh, you'll never be a writer, oh, you'll never be a broadcaster. Instead of letting that knock me down, I used it to fuel my fire, to make a way. And here I am today.
Speaker 2:That's good, you know, because people said and I didn't do well with my voice, I really wasn't a talker. It took me a while to get to the point where I could really use my voice and here I am Great. I mean, and sometimes it's the things that we struggled with the most that we are the most successful with. It's really funny how that ends up happening where we use them in our career.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like I know. In a previous episode we talked about how our biggest perceived weakness turns out to be our superpower.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, for sure. And I never thought that I would be doing something like this, and I've spoken in front of really big crowds before. And if you would have asked me when I was a kid if I would have been doing those kinds of things, no way, absolutely not, but yeah, it has become our superpower.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let's talk a little bit about the pressure to be positive. When toxic positivity boy, those two words don't seem like they go together, do they? But when toxic positivity boy, those two words don't seem like they go together, do they? But when toxic positivity does more harm than good, ever have anyone tell you just think happy thoughts, yeah, like if I was able to do that all the time and it would just take away everything, I would do that. So there is a difference between hope and denial. So toxic positivity shuts down real feelings and silences pain in the name of keeping things light. But guess what? You can feel grateful and grief-stricken in the same breath. You have to give yourself permission to feel it all Rage, sadness, exhaustion, weakness. It's all part of emotional honesty and resilience.
Speaker 2:You know, tina, you know what our family is going through right now and we are kind of like in a crisis situation. And if I had a dollar, for every single person had asked me if we have a safety plan and what our safety plan is in order to move forward. You know, I would be a wealthy person. You know, I appreciate what some people are trying to do, but in some ways it really honestly, it just doesn't help and there's a big difference between having hope and pretending everything's fine and I'm not going to have these conversations with people where I'm pretending like everything is fine or people are just giving me these like one-ers and and it's hitting where it needs to, it's not, you know, and it's down. It's either healing or hiding and I'm not going to hide in this situation, so I'm not going to pretend and be fake.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like if I could give any advice from what you've just talked about. I've said this, I'm sure, before Doing nothing is the wrong thing, okay. So doing nothing, when you're trying to listen to someone or help someone or be there for someone, you know, don't say, oh, just think positive and don't not say anything. But I think what we need to do is just say I'm so sorry, this is so hard right now. Is there any way that I can support you? You know, that is what someone needs to feel validated, cared for, in my opinion, and loved that way. It's not silence. And, yeah, maybe you don't understand what they're going through, but you want to be there for them and hold space for them, and so I would just encourage, if someone that you know is in a hard, messy place, you could say I'm so sorry, this is so hard, how can I support you? And maybe all they just needed to hear was that you're there, you care, you're listening, but don't try to make them feel a way that they can't right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean don't get me wrong with this. I mean there is power in people coming in and wanting to help and there's power and gratitude in really tough situations and there's beauty in choosing joy when it feels like everything is crumbling and it's really hard. But there's also something really dangerous about skipping over the realities of what's happening. I don't think that that's a positive thing to do and we have to be real, no matter how hard the situation is. And that's where I am.
Speaker 2:And you know, tina, you've been a perfect example of somebody who you and I have been texting pretty consistently through this entire situation. And you know, you're just, you're angry with me, you're sad with me, you're doing all the things and you know that's really helpful. You're not trying to give me advice and I've had even a lot of people, you know, because I have quite a few friends that I'm talking with and they're sharing similar situations or things that they know of that can help me, and those are great. Hey, I will take anything that will help me in this situation, but those little things just don't help. You know, I was in a situation one time where it was a really bad situation and somebody said to me oh, just give it to the Lord and everything will be fine. No, it won't. No, it won't. And I don't care how many times you want to give something to God. It might give you some peace, it might help you feel a little bit better, but in some circumstances, the circumstances are what they are.
Speaker 1:They're real and they're hard and that's just the way it is. That's absolutely true. So I you know you touched on gratitude. I'm big on gratitude. I agree that it can maybe only go so far. It can help pull you out and just keep you focused.
Speaker 1:I also believe in grief and I think they both have their place and they have to. I've said it before and I'll say it again you have to feel it to heal it. So I think of it like a seed going into the ground. It's going into this messy, dark place, cold and dark, but after some time roots start to take hold in that dark, messy place and they begin to grow because of the light that's turning it into something beautiful. But without the hard, messy place, the flowers wouldn't be able to grow because of the light that's turning it into something beautiful, but without the hard, messy place, the flowers wouldn't be able to grow and we wouldn't be able to admire their beauty, or the trees for that matter. And so I kind of go back to that visual at times when it's really a struggle for seasons of life, and it's a good thing to remember that. You know we need the rain for things to grow and you know, honestly, sometimes I think of the rain, as you know, mother Nature, or God, or just someone crying with me in that moment where I might be really struggling and I've just kind of turned it into, you know, maybe the sun is shining just for me, or maybe the rain is here to help the heart or the tears.
Speaker 1:And you know, we just celebrated an anniversary. It was our stillborn son's seventh birthday. I can't even believe that it was his seventh heavenly birthday and I did pretty much okay during that day. It was the week leading up to it that really just got to me, but I felt my way through it to heal and I did shed a few tears on the anniversary.
Speaker 1:And it was because a song came on See, music Speaks to my Heart, and it was the lyrics it's been a long day without you, my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. We've come a long way from where we began and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. We've come a long way from where we began and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. And it was those lines, just it was like a smile and a cry like boy what I would want to tell you. Or boy, I hope you would be proud of me for how well, how far I've come, what all I've learned, how I've grown from seven years ago. And yeah, it was a really peaceful time of reflection.
Speaker 2:Tina, I am so sorry about that. I mean those kind of losses.
Speaker 1:you just have no words for them anniversary, although people who do that's just it's really sweet, it's just something that we carry with us and so many people have their crosses and this just happens to be one of ours. But I do appreciate it and I appreciate you reaching out that day. It's definitely a tough day and my body just remembers all the things, and so we weren't able to do our butterfly release that day. But butterflies, they're just so symbolic of change and hard and life and new and beautiful. And we weren't able to do it that day because we were waiting for one more to open up, and so we will be doing that this week and it's something that we've done periodically throughout the seven years, just to celebrate, you know, commemorate and remember that there's beauty in the pain is, and we can feel grateful and grief-stricken in the same breath.
Speaker 2:And you know, we can be healing and hurting at the exact same time. We can love our life and still struggle to get out of bed. I mean, all those things can be true. It's not a weakness, it's real. That's called being a whole human. So in this space we talk, not fake sunshine, and we make room for the rain. You know, resilience doesn't mean plastering on a smile when your soul is aching. Nobody said that, and I think sometimes really people do think that. I mean it means always allow yourself to feel without shame. Feel without shame, that's really powerful. Feel without shame and choose to keep going anyway. Feeling everything isn't the opposite of strength, it's the foundation of it.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good. Yes, allow yourself to feel without shame. It's the well worth it. We have to allow ourselves the space to feel whatever it is that we feel.
Speaker 1:I agree that there comes a point where let's say you're really grieving, and for me it was a three-week mark. It was the three-week mark when we first had lost our baby boy and I remember I had to pick myself up off of that bed and I said if I stay here too much longer, it's just going to get harder and harder to get back up. I have to learn to live with the pain and the joy and to allow the moments of pain and still also allow the moments of joy and feeling those two very different things at the same time. And it's something that my middle son is a lot like me and he's the big feeler of my boys, and it's something that I'm trying so hard to help him learn so much earlier than I did. That it's okay, there's nothing wrong with you, it's not weird that you're feeling happy and sad, but let's talk about it. And so he's been doing so good with expressing himself and understanding that.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, I'm not supposed to feel happy all the time Because, honestly, that's unrealistic. I don't believe in bad days, I believe in bad moments of days, but it is very unrealistic to enjoy every single moment of life. It just is. So I think that we can just throw that out the window.
Speaker 2:And I just want to finish talking about this part of it, for you know, just quickly and when people come to you and say things and it really is OK to come and talk to people, you know, I think that that's really important and sometimes we don't know what to say, so we stay away, and I think that it is really important to kind of just touch base and say those really quick things. You know, I'm just here and sometimes, you know, when it's so difficult, but when we're in a crisis and what I said earlier, sometimes we don't have the tools and sometimes we don't have the right plan. And in the moment the plan might just be a treasure map with just a big red X on the paper but no directions, you know. But we at least are showing up to try to figure it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. But how about this? How about maybe some creative coping or adapting? When we've talked about tools and when you don't have the right ones, I swear it happens to me all the time in real life when I need a tool to fix something, I never certainly feel like I have the right thing, even if it's literally fixing something under the sink or whatever it may be, and then you just have to make it work. But you know, sometimes when we talk about healing, it doesn't have to always come in the form of therapy or a week off, or if you're taking some time at the spa. Sometimes it's just releasing those emotions, crying it out in the shower. Maybe you're blasting the music so no one can hear you cry I know I've done that before or journaling, and maybe you're journaling on napkins because that's all you have available. Or just finding peace in a walk at a park, around the block, wherever you can.
Speaker 1:Creative coping is about finding your tools in unconventional places and it's not about perfection, it's about momentum and I would say I'm pretty good at creative coping. So you see, you don't always have to have a crisis management manual or a wellness toolkit when life falls apart. Sometimes I think your body's telling you what it needs and you just need to listen to it. A lot of us are figuring it out on the fly and building emotional scaffolding out of duct tape prayer caffeine, occasional scream, cry in the car or wherever you feel comfortable. I've even recently just read about literally trying to move a wall, like pushing it, and even maybe for your kids, like tell them you know, the big feelers try to push that wall away to just to get that negative energy out, get that frustration out, and I kind of liked that, because here's the thing. I think all of that's okay. It's more than okay. It's resourcefulness and it's the tools that each one of us individually need.
Speaker 2:And wonder why our version of healing looks more like frozen pizza in Real Housewives shows at 2 am. Yes, I am a Real Housewives fan.
Speaker 1:I know which is so funny to me still.
Speaker 2:I know, because nobody would think that about me. But yes, I like the Bravo shows. But here's the truth. It's not about doing it perfectly. It's about doing something, however small, however weird, however makeshift.
Speaker 1:And that's why I like that duct tape thing, because no matter how makeshift it is, just do it and you know, creative coping isn't glamorous, and I would even say healing is not glamorous Again. It's hard and it's messy, it's gritty, it can be quiet, it often goes unnoticed, but it's a sacred form of survival, it's you saying. I may not have much right now, but I'm going to work with what I've got, because forward is forward, even if it's with a napkin, a breath, a little music turned all the way up. Whatever it is that seems to work for you or what your body needs For me. Sometimes I can tell when I need quiet and I need some restorative yoga. Other times I can tell, nope, I need to be out in nature. Other times my body's telling me you need to do something. I don't know. Decluttering, declutter like literally decluttering my house declutters my brain or shifts it, and so I. Sometimes that's all I need to do. So find what works for you. Just listen to your body Honestly. It will give you those creative outlets for coping.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've done a lot of cleaning this week and that's what I do. That's one of my I need to do something different thing, and so I just start cleaning a room. And you know, when my mom died, I watched a ton of I Love Lucy episodes. Like they were just released, like I had never seen them before.
Speaker 2:And when my kids are in crisis and I need that time and I'm trying to breathe and figure things out, I write, and so many times and I've said this before in a podcast, but it really is true by the time I get down to the end of the paper, to the bottom of a paper, I have a completely different perspective. So that really does help and I think that part of why we do want to remove ourselves from the situation and clean a room or write or the yoga, or listen to music or whatever is, I think it does give us a different perspective when we get to the other side. The other day, I mean this is funny when we were kind of not really, but, like I said, my family is in crisis and crisis comes in many different forms, so you can take that for whatever it is for your family. But the person sitting across from me started to ask a question and they said is the crisis in your family affecting? And I stopped. I interrupted them and I said, yes, it's affecting my autism. I just stopped and I don't even know why it came out like that, but I was like, yes, absolutely, it affects my autism and I will do whatever it takes to calm and in order for me to be able to move forward.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have any vices that you know maybe some people use. And so I started thinking about that podcast that I did recently, for Mother's Day actually, with Gwen Borden, who was 93 years old, and she talked about Jacqueline Kennedy and she said that she never needed counseling on any of the deaths of her kids or anything, because she relied on her faith. So much, so much, and I found that really interesting, that that's how and she's a counselor, by the way, who brought up that point. But I have found myself talking to myself a lot. I think that sometimes I find myself to be my own counselor because I'm talking so much to myself and so much to God that it is in the form of coping and my own kind of therapy.
Speaker 1:I think there's something to that. You know, my pastor, counselor and friend has said to me before there are certain instances where she doesn't think that I need counseling, and that's really helped me because it's like it's pointing me back to what I already know or what I've already learned and to not second that. So in a way, I feel like maybe some of the things that we've learned we have been able to better cope with the next time something similar happens or the next time we're faced with it, because we have this good foundation. You know, it's like what the home is built on, it's this, this, and so, whether it's praying to God or whoever you believe in or worship or whatever it is, the positivity, the gratitude, whatever it may be, I just think that if you have a really good and firm foundation, that perhaps things can be a little bit easier.
Speaker 1:And you know, I'm in a season of life where I haven't had to be counseled very much lately, I would say in the last almost year.
Speaker 1:It's more of just kind of talking it out and making sure.
Speaker 1:So I'm doing okay, okay, I am supposed to feel this way, okay, good, good, it's not that I need counseled on it, it's just that I need to, I guess, feel validated, and a lot of the tools that I have learned are really helping me, and so you can go back to your tool pouch and a lot of them don't look like how I thought they would look in the beginning, as we talked about.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, what you think is the right tool isn't actually the one that you need, and so that's why I think it's important, when we listen to our body and we listen to just what we need, you know, if you need rest, take a nap. I'm not telling you to take five naps a day, and if you know what I would conversely say if you're feeling like you need five naps a day, perhaps you do need to go and see a doctor and make sure there's not something going on. You know what I mean, but I really think that there's so much that maybe we've learned along the way that kind of helps us as we continue on in our journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I pull out different tools all the time and I love what you said, that you refer back to the things that you already know, because lots of times we do just need that validation or that reminder and it helps us get through. Whatever it is. I find that interesting because we have so many things already in our head and we already know how. I think lots of times we really do already know how, but it's that push, it's that power of community, like we just talked about earlier, when you can't muster your own strength and you know when your tank is empty, you do borrow from someone else a friend, a therapist, a podcast, real Talk with Tina and Anne, a stranger's story online and you connect with it, and sometimes you just don't need the advice, you just need someone to say, hey, you know what, me too. Like we said earlier, community can be your anchor when your inner compass is spinning. And asking for help isn't weakness, it's wisdom in motion.
Speaker 1:I really love that. I can tell you so many times when I am feeling something or thinking about something and it's really on my heart and it's really heavy on my mind. So many times, either a song or something will pop up in my email like it'll be part of a letter that I subscribe to and it'll just be that piece. I talk about my thousand-piece puzzle and it'll just be that piece. I talk about my thousand piece puzzle and it'll just be one more piece to my healing puzzle that just helps keep pushing me along. And then it's like, okay, that thought can now dissipate and I can move on with life, because I just needed that little piece, you know.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I think is so important is we are conditioned to believe that strength looks like independence and you don't have to walk through life and do the hard things alone. You shouldn't. The truth is, resilience is not a solo sport. Sometimes the bravest thing you could do is say I'm not okay and then let someone else hold the flashlight for a while. That is a hard thing for me to learn, but I am learning how to do it.
Speaker 2:I really love that. That is so good and you know we've built a team of people and through all of this that we're going through right now and it is really helping our family, it's giving ourselves permission for that to happen and allowing people in, which is one of my hardest things to do.
Speaker 1:That is a hard thing to do, and I would just say, if you're thinking I don't know what to do for someone that I love or care about, just do something, show up for them somehow. Maybe bring them dinner, maybe just send them a card, maybe send them a venmo like hey, here's a coffee on me or hey, can we walk tomorrow and just chat. I want to make sure you're okay, do something. Well, sometimes I think that we also are looking for connection, not necessarily advice, and I'd read something recently that you know and you mentioned this earlier in the podcast about sometimes and I do it too I try to be relatable so that someone doesn't feel alone.
Speaker 1:But sometimes I think that really you just need to listen, you know, and not that trying to connect makes it feel like it's all about you. I don't like to turn it and say, oh well, I remember when I felt this way in this situation. I think sometimes we just need to more listen and not insert the advice. So often when we think something, someone means to fix it, but in the darkest moments, what we need most isn't a solution, it's solidarity, it's that warm presence, it's that you know, I'm here with you, I see you Just a me too, someone to just sit with you in the metaphorical or literal mess and just love you right through it.
Speaker 2:But it's also it's creating that safe space. And you know, this one is so important to me because when I'm going through something, I want to hide. This is interesting because we were just at an art show for my kids and I. There were a couple people there that I knew that if I saw them, that I would a conversation would happen, that a conversation would happen and it would get into it. And I just didn't want to talk to anybody. I wanted to hide. And it reminded me of my high school days when, for whatever reason, the teachers were coming down a hallway and I was like, oh, there they are, and I darted down the other way. That's how I kind of felt. I was kind of trying to maneuver through this art show without anybody seeing me. That might start a conversation, like, yeah, how are you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm trying to come up with a canned answer when I encounter situations like that, because I want to run and hide too, I'm that's definitely me. And I'm trying to come up with, you know, like if someone, I appreciate when people ask about my mom, but there are some days where I just I can't do it and I need to. In the group that I'm in, you know, I've tried to come up with certain things to say like well, I, you know, I'm okay, all things considered, we have. You know, it's hard but sad, but we're loving mom through it. Or you know it varies moment by moment. Thanks for asking Something to like acknowledge, but, shut it down.
Speaker 2:That's a really good one. I like that one. I might use that even for my situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I took that. Someone else suggested that second one and I just thought that was good because I think you know so much of life is about being prepared and in many ways I'm not good at being prepared, like I don't know what's for dinner tonight or any night. But in certain situations I think it's good to have something in your back pocket for when you know we're allowed to just not want to have to talk about something and other people are too, and you know I've learned to accept that when other people say you know what, thanks for asking, but I can't go there right now and you just move on, you don't take offense, you just move on.
Speaker 2:Well, not everyone deserves access or needs access to your brain, that's true. And finding the safe people that we feel comfortable with in sharing, you know, that's great and we can share with safe people who hold space without judgment, and that's a sacred place, whether it's a support group or a church, family or a friend who listens without trying to fix us. You know, I mean, that's really what it's all about for me Somebody that I can just sit across and say you know what I am not doing?
Speaker 1:good, and they just say I'm here when you're feeling stronger, maybe offer your own hand to someone who's still in the thick of it. We're all taking turns, being broken and being the builder, so the one in the pit and the one with the rope, and that cycle.
Speaker 2:That's what keeps hope alive, because we're all going to be on one end at one point or another another, yeah, best advice I ever got when I was in the thick of life in my 20s was go help somebody else that was hurting, and you know that really helped me. I mean it was a different thing that I had ever heard before. It was kind of thinking outside of the box a little bit for me at that time in my life because I was so consumed with the pain. But it is something that I have used throughout my life since and whenever I'm in a lot of pain, helping somebody else really does help heal.
Speaker 1:Oh, it absolutely does. I can attest to that too, and sometimes some great ideas come out of helping others through the pain. It might end up helping you too. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Community doesn't have to be big, it just has to be real, and that's why we call this Real Talk. You don't need 100 friends, you just need one honest conversation, one person who says you don't have to pretend with me, one moment where the mask comes off and grace steps in. You know, you and I have had those moments, tina, where you show up at my door or we have these real conversations and all you need is just that one moment and it's healing where you can break for a little bit and then you come out stronger on the other side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I remember vividly in high school thinking I needed to have a hundred friends. And gosh, the older I get, the more I realize I have about a handful of true friends in my inner circle. That is what I need, that is all that I need, because they get me and they love me and they don't judge me you among them for anything, and we're here for it. It doesn't matter what it is I don't have to worry about. Oh my gosh, if I say or feel this way, are they going to still be my friend or are they going to go gossip behind my back? No, and that is the beauty of such a great village.
Speaker 2:And it's funny because that's just maturity. That's really all that is. I mean, when we were kids, yeah, count our friends, see how popular we are, but right right Things don't. And I tell my kids that now you know when they're devastated over what somebody says to them or how many friends they do or don't have. It's like you know that changes over time. It doesn't matter as much, absolutely.
Speaker 1:One of the other things that I think we should mention is reframing reality, so changing the question from why me to what now. And I've really gotten good on this, but it's taken a lot of work. So when you say why me, it kind of keeps you stuck in that pain. But what now shifts us into power. So the reframe does not erase what you've been going through, but it honors it by asking how you'll respond. So I don. I don't usually say why me anymore. I try to say what am I supposed to learn from this? And I don't always learn right away, but deep down I think there's something to be learned from all of the pain and the hurt. And I just haven't learned it all yet from my circumstances, and you might not have either, but life doesn't always give us closure. But it does give us a choice, and in the moment we ask what now? We can step back into authorship of our own story, kind of take the reins again.
Speaker 2:I really like that Because when you do go from why to how, what now? I mean it's a control You're taking back the control and the power and you're trying to figure it out instead of just sitting in the why and this podcast. I did too recently with a guest, to Gwen Borden Again, I'm mentioning her because she was 93 and she's so wise she actually put me in my place. She didn't know it, she didn't know it, but when she said, well, actually it's pretty childish to ask why and I just thought, yeah, she said yeah, you should just instantly move to now what? What am I going to do? And like when her husband passed away from brain cancer, who? He was a completely healthy 49-year-old man. She even said to herself okay, there is no why. Here, I'm just going to ask how to help my husband have the best death that he can. And I was like, wow, that was so powerful to me and I also had recently Rebecca Galli is going to.
Speaker 2:If anybody wants to hear any of these podcasts, I recommend that you go to them, but she too, it was the same thing. She had so much happen in her life, way more than I have had happen in my life, which actually puts things into perspective. When you have those things, you meet people that have had so much more happen to them and they're still just they're not going to those whys. And she said to me again you know, it's about control and action and that's absolutely why she does not go to the whys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really important to remember. I love a good perspective shift and I think, speaking of perspective, little wins matter. So forward progress is still progress, no matter how small the steps are. Getting out of bed some days, that's the big win for me. Or even taking a shower, making that phone call Say no when it's hard, those are big wins. I think sometimes we're taught to just celebrate the big stuff, but healing happens sometimes in those micro moments. I would say more often than not, happens sometimes in those micro moments. I would say more often than not, and one step at a time. One step at a time. Progress isn't always pretty or fast, but it does add up and every time you show up, even imperfectly, you're proving that you're not done yet.
Speaker 2:Little wins do matter. I mean we never start with the big wins. I mean that's not how. I mean first we roll over, then we crawl, we walk. I mean we don't come out and just start walking. I mean nothing in life is any different, your entire life. That's the way it goes, and we have to learn to celebrate the small wins along the way, because when we turn around and we look back, we see where we came from. We turn around and we look back, we see where we came from and it's an amazing view. Well, the next one even a straw can make lemonade taste just a little bit better. It might not be fancy, you might not have the sugar or the ice or a pretty cup, but when you figure out how to get into that lemon, when you can get into the good stuff, you find one small joy, one sweet moment of a laughter or a connection. It can shift everything. Maybe life didn't give you the whole recipe, but you found a way to sip through it anyway, and that, I mean that's something to celebrate.
Speaker 1:I agree. I had a friend before tell me that one of my greatest traits was that she loved how I was able to make lemonade from lemons so much of the time, and that's something that stays with me. I'm no longer friends with this person. There was no big bad falling out or anything like that. Just, you know, time and distance create space. But I really cherish her saying that and I've held on to it because, I agree, I think that I'm pretty good at that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have to agree that you are, and I think maybe that's why you and I get along so well, because we both have this kind of spirit and you know in order for us when we are in. You and I both have gone through a lot. That's why we do the real talk here. We have been through it between the two of us. I just recently told my dentist this because she was very interested and she wanted to. She, she wants to listen. But I was like between Tina and myself we have it covered.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've been through a lot of life already you know we really have, and but the part of it that is the most important part is that we don't stay down.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:No matter what, we get back up and then we tell about it and we grow from it and we help others along the way, and I think it isn't just through this podcast. I mean, this legit is how we live.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, it is, and I think that I think we can be proof that, even when the lemons keep coming, grab a straw. Then Grab a straw, your half-broken spirit, and just sip your way through it. If today reminded you that surviving is still a superpower, or that being resourceful in your mess is more heroic than anyone gives you credit for, then you are our kind of people. You don't need the whole recipe to move forward. Sometimes all it takes is one small step, one deep breath, that half bendy broken straw and the refusal to give up. So thank you for showing up today, not just for us, but for yourself too.
Speaker 2:Be sure to follow us on your favorite platforms, whether it be Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio or wherever it is that you listen to Real Talk with Tina and Anne, because you can get us anywhere. You can also catch us on the radio and TV. Look for Available Markets on our webpage. Real Talk with Tina and Anne. And, hey, share this with a friend who's in the thick of it or needs a little pick-me-up, and remind them that they are not alone in this lemonade stand struggle.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that Lemonade stand struggle. My middle son's talking about one of his buddies and him this summer wanting to do a lemonade stand, and they want to do it at our house because our house is more visible than his friend's house. They think they'll get more traffic, and so I'm going to remember this episode. If they do their lemonade stand and whether it goes well or not, you know we can have a discussion. Until next time, keep showing up, keep sipping through it and remember you are tougher than your toughest moments. Stay real and stay resilient.
Speaker 2:And, as usual, there is purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey, and we will see you next time.
