Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Let Your Love Be Larger Than Your Circumstances: Rebecca Galli's Journey
What does resilience look like after losing your brother, your son, your marriage, your ability to walk, and raising a child with autism? Rebecca Galli knows this terrain intimately. As a bestselling author of over 400 columns, her books "Rethinking Possible" and "Morning Fuel" offer hard-earned wisdom from a life that repeatedly challenged the limits of human endurance. Rebecca also founded Pathfinders for Autism, an organization to help children and families with autism.
Rebecca opens up about being paralyzed by transverse myelitis (a rare condition affecting one in a million) just nine days after her divorce was finalized, while raising four children—two with special needs. Through these unimaginable circumstances, she discovered that how we start our day sets the tone for everything that follows.
Her father, a pastor, instilled powerful mantras that became lifelines: "What is planned is possible" and "You will always walk with a limp, but you will walk." These words took on profound new meanings as Rebecca had to repeatedly rethink what was possible when life kept changing the rules.
The conversation explores her innovative approach to uncertainty through "parallel paths"—simultaneously preparing for multiple possible outcomes rather than becoming paralyzed by the unknown. She shares how this strategy helped her face questions like "Will I walk again?" and "How will I raise my children?" with clarity and purpose.
Perhaps most moving is Rebecca's philosophy about relationships: "Let your love be larger than any circumstance." This approach helped her maintain connections even through grief, different coping styles, and physical limitations. She also reveals how founding Pathfinders for Autism following her daughter's diagnosis transformed personal challenge into purpose, now serving 20,000 people annually.
Whether you're facing your own impossible situation or simply seeking perspective, Rebecca's journey shows that resilience isn't about avoiding pain—it's about pivoting from "why is this happening?" to "how will I handle this?" and finding unexpected joy along the way.
Take a moment today to subscribe, share with someone facing their own challenges, and join us for part two of this extraordinary conversation next week.
Welcome to Real Talk with Tina and Anne. I am Anne and today we have one of the most incredible voices that we have had on the podcast. Rebecca Galli is a best-selling author and a columnist of over 400 columns. She has written two books Rethinking Possible, a Memoir of Resilience, and a daily inspirational book, morning Fuel. Rebecca, I have read every single word of your first book, rethinking Possible, and I'm following along in your daily inspirational book, morning Fuel. I've read a lot of books and I have met a lot of people. I can honestly say the more I have read about your story and learned about who you are as a person. I am so honored to meet you and to have you on Now you're bringing me to tears.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. A pleasure to be able to connect with you. I know it took us a while to get this arranged and I'm honored to be on your show. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, I want to talk about your story from Rethinking Possible while we talk about morning fuel, because the wisdom on the papers in your inspirational book is earned. Every single, every single page. To put a list of what you have gone through does not do it justice and you have to read your story and I'm encouraging all of our listeners to pick up both books At the beginning of Morning Fuel which, by the way, I start with my Starbucks too and I love my Starbucks and your words speak to me and your dad was right Writing is a gift that you have been, you have picked up from him probably. I mean, he was a man of words. I would love to talk about the words from your dad, your mom, your brother and you in the podcast, dad, your mom, your brother and you in the podcast. You started your inspirational book with these words.
Speaker 1:Some would say life has not been kind to me. I lost my 17-year-old brother and his name was Forrest. Two of my four children had special needs. One of my two sons died at age 15, and his name was Matthew, and at 38, nine days after my divorce was finalized, I was paralyzed by transverse myelitis, if I'm saying that right, a rare inflammation of the spinal cord that affects one in a million, and it's been hard to power through and live fully in this life. I did not choose, but I've learned that how I start my day sets the tone for how I get through the day.
Speaker 1:You know who I thought about when I was reading these and I'm going to just say this before I ask any questions because as I read that, I thought about your mom sitting in the kitchen, you know, sitting there with you drinking coffee and just giving you her wisdom. I thought about your dad and him standing up there at the pulpit and his words of wisdom, and I thought about Forrest and his last words, and you know what that must have meant. I saw your sister, rachel's arms, holding you up in the bathroom, you know, and I just was laughing. And I saw your strength, a strength I've not seen before. I saw your kids. I saw your son Peter reflecting on life. I saw your kids. I saw your son Peter reflecting on life. I saw your daughter Brittany's heart. I saw Madison's autism flare for life, which I'm autistic and three of my kids are autistic, so I absolutely appreciate her story. And I saw Matthew's beautiful eyes looking up at you. You know, with his, you know beautiful brown eyes, and even though that he was medically fragile.
Speaker 1:And you know, I just saw everything in your life right there on the pages in these books and I also saw our stories you know, everybody's stories right there on the pages, and that was what was so beautiful about it, because you know, you are more than a million. I think every family has a piece of your story. Your pain is so deep, but yet you live each day with intention, positivity and incredible gratitude, which is what you say. But everybody understands what it's like to take care of a child, or to have a hurt, or to have a loss or a death or somebody that you know. Your child is really having a hard time and you're having a hard time being able to get to them or take care of their needs, and I think every single one of us can relate. So thank you so much for writing this.
Speaker 2:And that's well. It was therapeutic. It was part of the journey really, something I started early on, just the power of lassoing those thoughts and putting them down so they don't just bother you all the time. So it's been a therapeutic journey through writing and then now connecting with people. It's amazing how that's helped me connect to others that to others.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I bet I mean yeah, you get to help yourself while helping them and your story really does help other people. You know your dad once said hear dad's words, I'll tell you what. What is planned is possible. And I love your title because rethinking possible. It's so perfect because the only thing that seemed to go your way was that you had four kids. The rest of your life took twists and turns that you had no control over and you were living a life that just was. You had to be and figure it out as life just happened. But throughout both books, your family's words, your words, I think, were lifelines. Your brother had beautiful words that he said before he passed away at age 17. Could you share what those words were and how that helped you, help carry you in your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my brother was 17. I mean, he was that kid. He was president of the student body, he was a musician, he was a church leader, he was an athlete. He had great plans to go to Wake Forest University, get into politics, become a senator, lawyer, you know all this. And he was definitely doing that thing what's planned as possible. And we grew up with that mantra.
Speaker 2:And one of the last things that he did before he went water skiing which is where he had his accent was to write his essay to Wake Forest University. And one of the last questions they asked was you know, tell us about your family. And he did, and he expressed his contentment with the family. But his last words of that essay and they wound up being his last written words were I would change nothing and it still gets up If he only lived 17 years. But still write that and, as a sister, see him live that. Yeah, what an accomplishment, even in 17 years. Right, it's always been a challenge to me. You know, before I lay my lay, my head on my pillow, you know, is there anything I regret today? I would change nothing. Can I say that about the day?
Speaker 1:So it's really been something really precious that he left us with yeah, a lot of people don't get something like that. And to know that that's how he felt. That's just so beautiful. I mean, it was like it was meant to be.
Speaker 2:Yes, I hate to. And there's a part of the book, the Rethinking Possible where I get really angry about those words because they weren't the words I would have chose and I would have changed so many things of the day that we lost him. You know he wasn't looking where he was going or he was distracted, or you know all the things I would have changed. So it's an interesting study in the emotions that happen around loss. You know where there's this mixed things. I'm glad he was content, but I'm so. Yeah, it was just so much to absorb that I'd lost him like that. So it was. It's been still even a tough loss. Now I read that section when I do some book talks and I'll give myself a high five if I get through that without crying.
Speaker 1:But yeah, some profound words for a 17-year-old and I think that's normal for us. When there's a loss, lots of times and it's something like that, you know where it's like. Well, if I just would have been there at this time, if I just would have said something before they went that way, or whatever you know, I mean, survivor's guilt is a real thing. Yes, I like waking up and looking at words like yours in the morning because I think that it's really important. It helps us get outside of our head. It helps us, you know, start our day correctly. For myself, I mean, how important is it for you or for other people why you wrote this inspiring book for them to wake up and want to go to it and pick it up and say you know what? This is where I want to start my day every morning, and even if they just need to pick me up during the day, yeah, it was a practice of mine after I wrote the first book.
Speaker 2:A lot of the questions I would get would be you know, how do you do it, how do we keep going? And one of the things I do every morning is pick from several daily readers and have that with my coffee, you know, and I journal a little bit, I read some more, I do some reflection and I really try to start it on the most positive way. And then sometimes I don't get to it first time, you know, first thing in the morning, but it's a good power boost, you know. Just sometimes I think we get so caught up in it could be just busyness, or even they start sliding downhill a little bit, and this provides kind of a distraction, a separation from whatever's going on, so that you can kind of pull yourself back, regroup and maybe get a different thought in your mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they're short, you know. So I mean it's super nice to be able to just pick it up and be able to go take your thoughts in a different direction. I mean it really does help. Thank you. Now can you talk a little bit? Because your life, I mean it went on a pretty rough course and it's not the life that you really do plan. So can you talk a little bit about that real life, the kind that takes us down Niagara Falls when we are not looking and you know we have no boat, and it just takes us down and we're trying to find our way to the surface and take a breath.
Speaker 2:I had really big shock absorbers, you know, and whatever is coming along, that I've enlarged my group of friends, enlarged my plans so that I'm not trapped to that. You just you have to accept the situation whatever it is up front. You have to realize that I'm in a place I didn't plan. And then I think the next step is to be very honest about what's your capability to deal with the situation. Can you manage it by yourself? And if you can't bring in people I like to call it who's in your boat, you know who can help you get through this storm, that you'll equip to manage, and it may be family, it may be friends, it may be professional therapists, it may be clergy, but people that can support you in the particular situation you're in.
Speaker 2:And it's actually, through the years, been surprising that that crew changes. When we lost our parents, rachel and I were trying to comfort each other and we realized after the death of our father that we couldn't really comfort each other because we were in our own grief and so we needed to expand our pool of people in our boat because we just made each other sadder instead of trying to help each other cope. And I think that that's not a first thought that you think your family should be through. They're the ones that know you best. They should be able to support you, but in the same grief, chances are they may not be the best person to get you through it. So then, that idea of determining who can be helpful to you as you navigate through is a real core mode for me of operating. I'm constantly looking for who can be helpful in a situation like this and, to be honest, it's not always easy to ask for help. You know a lot of us like to do it on our own, but that's where you need to be really honest about your capacity to cope with it by yourself.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's, you know, finding the right people to allow in and that can be hard. I mean, I'm in a situation right now where you know somebody in my family desperately needs help, and so you know, it's really praying trying to figure out who the right people are and being okay with letting outside people in. Probably, you know, lots of times in your life when you were first paralyzed or when you were, you know, and I heard that somehow some of the people talked about you when you I read that in the book. You know, I don't think that that's okay and the people that you're trusting, you want them to have the same heart as you. You know you want them to be on the same page as you with your family and what you're trying to do and your grief, and it's just not okay. So it's hard.
Speaker 2:I say you can always uninvite them. You just don't you know. You kind of keep them out of the loop of information. I love it.
Speaker 1:Uninvite them. Well, I love that and I do do that sometimes. You know what we, like I said earlier, with your dad and you having this beautiful way of being able to use words, and his words were just always wonderful. One of the things that he said after your brother passed away was you will always walk with a limp, but you will walk. And I mean for one thing there is no one way to move forward. And I instantly thought of how those words changed for you when you were no longer able to walk. But I realized nothing in your life is traditional. Definitions of moving forward are just what they are. You know they're always changing, but you continue to move forward. So how did your dad's words or your mom's words help you to move forward during some of your darkest times?
Speaker 2:You know they wound up being these little pearls. You know that they something terribly disruptive, just unimaginable, and they somehow, with their way of looking at things, made it palatable, made me know that I could latch on to what they were saying and walk with a limp. I thought about that. You know I can't walk at all, but the meaning of that is that it's okay to be wounded, it's okay for pain, it's okay to have a scar and have it impact you, that you're not flawed, you're just moving through with what life gave you. You're just moving through with what life gave you. So I think that and that's the way, what did you say that I think was timely, but also timeless in the way that he was himself yes, look at it differently.
Speaker 1:I love that. You know what do you do. You said in Morning Fuel and this was a great question what do you do when you don't know what's next? You know you've lived in that space, I think, for years, and I think many of us do. You know not as extreme of yours, of course, because you literally could barely get your breath in. Another tragedy would strike you or your family, could barely get your breath in. Another tragedy would strike you or your family. And how do you live when you don't know what's next, without constantly waiting for the next heartache to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question. There are a couple of things. When my son, matthew, presented with seizures, it was really hard to know whether or not he would outgrow them or not. I've been told that there was a good chance that he could outgrow them, but the way they told us, you know that we just have to see if the seizures continued or not. So a therapist in the hospital said, you know, when you don't know what's next, when there's uncertainty ahead, she said have you tried parallel paths? Oh, yes, and she said well, you look at the situation and you look at the two obvious outcomes. There may be more than that, but the two that you want, you know, or the one that you want for sure, the hope path, which is you hope he outgrows them and then envision life like that. What would life look like if he did outgrow them and he resumed normal progression? And then, on the reality path, or the path you don't want, what would life look like if he doesn't? And that just really calmed me down of this cycle and gave me paths I could journey on. Really at the same time, what would life look like if he was able to come home and he resumed normal development. Should I explore options if he can't come home? And what would that look like? And so, either way, it kept me moving. It wasn't cyclical, it was moving in directions.
Speaker 2:Over time it became obvious that he wasn't going to be able to. You know, his seizures continued and that he was going to be in a declining situation. But I used that image of parallel paths with my divorce. Would we reconcile, would we not, with my paralysis? Would I walk, would I not? And in that way, these two paths, it kept me moving forward.
Speaker 2:And so when the one option became obvious, then I'd already done work on that. It wasn't like, oh my gosh, I wasn't prepared at all, but I really think that that was a helpful way for me to keep moving, because I think keeping moving is very important. We risk isolation when we just spin. And another thing I like to do I would I call them, put them on a shelf. You know, when things are troubling, I have these shelves in my mind. It's like I'm not going to deny that this is an issue, but I'm not going to look through it every day. I'm going to put it on the shelf in my mind. It's like I'm not going to deny that this is an issue, but I'm not going to look through it every day. I'm going to put it on the shelf in my mind and then worry about that another time. But then do what's next in my life. To live fully in the life I do have when I don't know what's ahead, and then spend time in that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I read in your book, I think, something about your dad said put pegs in your brain or something and put it on the. You know, put it on the peg for later. And it was such a great visual and it really did help because I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to start doing that. I'm just going to put pegs in my brain and put those you know be pretty compartmentalized. Put those you know be pretty compartmentalized.
Speaker 1:You know, one of the things in your story was you had multiple miscarriages and you also, you know, there was so much going on in your family at the time and I remember you describing how you'd see other families and I think it was at the doctors or something and you saw that they were happy. And even though you spoke about your family to others at times and it was, yeah, it's perfect I remember that word perfect because you were also carrying so much pain at the time and you were juggling Matthew's hospital care, madison's early autism needs, peter's challenges at the beginning and Brittany's energy, you know, all at once and it was so much. How do you hold gratitude and grief at the same time? Do you try to separate the good from the bad or do they live together?
Speaker 2:I think they live together. It's all about focus, focus, and I think it's important to um acknowledge that pain when you see kind of the perfect family or, um, you know the perfect situation that you wish you could do and and somebody enjoying something that you once did and you can no longer do the whole thing. Other children develop fully and and, um, two of yours are not. So I think that, again, I I have to be honest about that hurts, you know that hurts. It's like you know, because there's envy, there's jealousy, all of those feelings. But to touch them and go, you know like yep feel that.
Speaker 2:But you know what? Try to experience your joy with them. You know, to experience something that you may not have. But just because you don't have it doesn't mean it doesn't have value to experience. So that's when I'm at my best self. When I'm not at my best self, maybe, maybe I take some time away from that and I don't expose myself to that too much if it's, if it's if I'm too raw, if I'm not strong enough to be to embrace that joy.
Speaker 1:But it's a tough situation I live a little bit similar to that in that, you know, I've adopted five kids and three of my the three littles all have autism. I adopted them when they had a lot of trauma and one is, you know, really has a difficult time in general and she's really having a rough time. And the other two, one I homeschool, one is on the lower end of the functioning and even though he just turned 12, today's his birthday he, you know, operates at probably like a five-year-old level and we just love him to death. He is just the sweetest kid and I just love. He's got the best heart. But you know, he wants so badly to play football with his peers and to go out and do those things.
Speaker 1:And I look on Facebook and it's kind of like this thing where I don't even want to look, you know, because those I wish statements, feelings, thoughts come into my head and I just want to say, you know, yeah, I know how much he wants that. I wish he could have that. So you know we have him in special needs, baseball and all that other stuff and I mean he just absolutely loves it. But you know I'm going to be honest those times they do hurt when you see other families and what they're able to do and you know that you're just not able to and your kids can't experience those typical things. So it's hard. And I mean, can you talk about how it feels to celebrate others when you privately carry loss?
Speaker 2:You know when I can get the right mindset to do that. And I think you're right about social media. I think we all see you know the bright and shiny things, and so sometimes I limit myself to that. But if I have friends that really have a lot to celebrate, I try to just minimize, you know, my grief and my, my pain, to try to celebrate with them, because there's again it's a distraction from what you've got going on to say let me lean in fully to what they're experiencing and see if and be more appreciative about what's going on with them and and just embrace it. And yeah, I think it's worth that.
Speaker 2:If you're secure enough to do that, if you're fragile and I think that's a big, big point to assess yourself Like, are you strong enough to do that today? Maybe you don't feel well, maybe you're not feeling well do that today. Maybe you don't feel well, maybe you're not feeling well. I think all of those things affect our strength to handle things that might be difficult. So, self-assess first, and then you can lean into it, do it, and I think you'll be glad you did. I think it's something you can appreciate.
Speaker 1:About stretching yourself yeah, I really like to be other people's cheerleaders and that's what I try to do and I think that that helps be able to step outside and, you know, just be other people's cheerleaders. And sometimes, like you said, I have to kind of analyze and, you know, assess where I am at the moment and say, ok, I can do that. No, today I can't and it's okay, it's, both are okay, absolutely yeah. So you wrote so openly about feeling isolated during some hard times. Like many women, you know, we carry the appointments, the hospital stays, the sleepless nights, the hospital stays the sleepless nights, often when your husband was busy doing him, and you know how do you handle the loneliness that comes from actively holding up a family that needed so much and you did it alone.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, I say you know you alone can do it, but you can't do it alone and I had a lot of people vote for me, with me, big support. My church was a big support, neighbors that would reach out, and I think it's a woman to cultivate a community around yourself so that you don't feel alone.
Speaker 1:That's so important. You know, my husband actually lives in a separate place because it's too hard for him and I in one sense understand, but in the other, sometimes I beg him to just come and take the kids and go do something with them. You know, get involved a little bit, but you know, when you felt, was it you, you know, were you unlovable? I kind of felt that a little bit and I went to that. Oh my gosh, I had no idea that 80% of marriages with special needs kids fail. I didn't know, that's huge, but I really do think that some of us can handle the hard and just some of us can't. I mean, that just seems what it comes down to sometimes.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's hard to know your capacity for things until you're in it, and it's hard to know another person's capacity for things as well. I don't think you can predict those things until you know you can't.
Speaker 1:No, no, and you and your husband did. You know. You grew apart and divorce became the answer and suddenly you were a single mom of four and I wanted to just reach through the pages and give you a hug, because you know, your dad always says trust the process and I cannot tell you how many times I say that you always chose the hard road, even when the easier road was right in front of you at times. And sometimes you know, especially as moms, you know we just we don't see the other option, we don't see the choice. What do you think helped you trust those hard instincts and go the hard road, even when you didn't know the outcome?
Speaker 2:I think a lot of times we want to put up barriers and walls and I can do it myself or I don't need this person in my life, or we tend to be final about some things, particularly if we've been hurt or felt betrayed. But I think that what helped me was really leaning into love. You know, one of the things that I had told Brittany and her husband to be their marriage, to let their love be larger. Let love be larger than their circumstance, than any of the things that threaten their relationship, and I've tried to live that. It's not always easy, but I feel like that power of love can really help you accept the things you can't change and create relationships with people that maybe don't make sense exactly, but it makes sense for you because it's a greater good for you. That and it's, you know, not the first person to say the power of love, but, um, letting your love be larger is is really when I get my best self.
Speaker 1:that's what I lean into that was one of my favorite. There were so many different, you know favorite parts of the book, but that was one of my favorite parts of the book is when you you know you didn't know what you would say to them at the wedding, but then you wrote this thing down on let your love be larger than, larger than adversity, larger than. And I was just like, oh my gosh, that is just so beautiful and it made me wonder if you had so many things happen to you that tried to take you down. But I just wondered if maybe it was that love was larger than this and love was larger than that, you know, and it just maybe love is what got you through.
Speaker 2:I think so. You know, I got to experience that in my home. We struggled after Forrest's death. Our family shattered, my father had taken a new pastorate in another state and so we physically weren't together. And then we grieved differently.
Speaker 2:I became a noted lecturer on grief, as well as speaking from the pulpit writing about it. My mom was much more private and was in support groups for women who had lost children, and I was with my college buddies who helped me move through grief in their own way structure and activity. But my sister wanted to be with him. They were 17 months apart and she said they had to get her specialized counseling for her. So I think that we continued to love each other even though we were in different places in grief and different physical places. We figured out ways to be family through small things. My dad would send me his sermon tapes, my mom would be sending me little notes at school that would have sticks of chewing gum in them and some stamps encouraged me to write her. And so you just kind of be creative during those periods of awkwardness to cutting to pack with people, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:How do you? You know your father's final days, which you know things can be hard and beautiful at the same time and you know he shared something with you that was deeply profound. And could you share what he said and how those words impacted you?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So they had told us that dad was probably not going to get better. He was in the hospital and kidney cancer had come back and he was lucid. But he brought mom and dad. He brought Rachel and myself and my mom together and we had a little prayer together and then he said I want you guys to remember to take care of yourselves. It wasn't take care of each other, which I like. I look at Rachel and say can you say it? Can you say it about ourselves? I looked at Rachel and said can you say it to yourself? And yes, it was like wait a minute.
Speaker 2:I felt sure he was going to say take care of each other, but it drove home the point that until we take care of ourselves, we really can't take care of other people. You know, the airlines tell you to put the oxygen mask on. Yes, I thought of that. Yes, before you help your children, and of course you want to help your children first, but it doesn't do them any good if you passed out for lack of oxygen.
Speaker 2:So I think that really emphasized to me self-care and self-compassion and figuring out you know what's in my best interest to do. For me it sounds selfish, but the truth is, you can't be really functional if your health isn't good. And I have this thing where we say you know what's the most important thing for you right now and the most important thing for you in general? And for me, it's my health. You know, I can't do anything if I can't get my wheelchair and go anywhere or I can't get out of bed, or you know, my health is very important to me and so that helps me prioritize things about what I need to do today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really amazing that you know it's always perspective shifts and it's always learning as we go, and you've had many different seasons for you to do that. Life is full of decisions and I think most of us, especially as parents, second guess ourselves more than we'd ever admit. I'm doing that all the time. When your son, Matthew, needed medically fragile foster care, you had to make an incredibly hard but necessary choice to place him where he could receive the care that he needed and deserved. You shared that. Your parents told you they would have done the same if Forrest had survived and needed that level of care. I thought that that was so amazing that they said that to you. How did having their support, especially in that kind of moment and through your life, help you trust that you were making the right decisions as a mother?
Speaker 2:It was affirming way, encouraging that it was okay to operate not only in Matthew's best interest but in our family's interest, because that's what mom had said. I said specifically you know what would you have done with Forrest? And she said I would have made the right decision that was in Forrest's best interest and the family. And to include the family in the best interest thinking process really expanded that, because I couldn't care for Matthew by myself. And what would that mean if I tried to do that School? Does that mean learning techniques? And how would that affect the other children that I had too? Mm-hmm. So it really encouraged me to consider the family unit as we made decisions. So I found it a great relief for them to be that honest with me about what they would have done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't surprise me. I mean, you guys all worked together as a team. It felt you guys all supported each other throughout everything that you were going through in life and I just thought that that was a beautiful thing. Your parents just seemed like they were beautiful people.
Speaker 2:They were amazing and in many ways I credit the way they handled forest. The loss of forest has given me kind of a front row seat to how do you get through all the losses you could ever expect. So there were things I learned from them. I didn't even realize I learned from them until I had to cope with it myself.
Speaker 1:Sure, sure, I mean, that's what happens. You know, your dad had other powerful words. He said happiness lies in the difference between being struck by a challenge and being stuck in a challenge. And that really hit me because that again is another perspective shift. I think we all have moments where we need to kind of pause and catch our breath and just be still for a while, but I don't call that stuck. Did you ever feel stuck during times when there was progress? Or maybe you felt like you weren't really moving because you couldn't see it or feel it, but you were doing everything that you could.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I came up with this idea of the power of better, you know, or just better moments, and so it's like what was different about today than yesterday? One small thing that got better. It may not have been the best, it may not have been achieved my goal, but did something get better? Did I, you know, take the dog out on time, or get the dog out, you know, early enough for him, or did I wake up without the alarm clock, or did I make a tiny bit of progress? And I let that count, you know, I let that count that I was able to do something a little tiny bit better than the day before. And just seeing that progress, you know, I had a gratitude journal that I was doing three things I was grateful for every day and I said, well, you know what I'm going to track three things that were better today than yesterday. So that encouraged that forward movement to me.
Speaker 1:You know what, making it that small sometimes is what we have to do. Sometimes we can only pay attention to the step in front of us or the step that we just took. Sometimes it is just really honing in on a smaller amount of time. I really like that Madison's journey with autism. Of course, autism is very special to my heart, of course, but her story really touched me as an autistic adult as well, and I love how you celebrated her voice after she started ABA and I loved her place in the family. I loved how Brittany wanted to include her in the wedding and the way that that happened, and then the photos that were taken and it made me think of your kids that helped hold you up, because they seemed to all hold each other up and you held them up. But what were the parts that helped?
Speaker 2:hold you up. You know they kept growing. It was like I was waiting to know, especially after paralysis. I was waiting to figure out when was I going to walk again. But you know they had their needs. They were three, five, seven and nine when I was I going to walk again? But you know they had their needs. They were three, five, seven and nine. When I was paralyzed, madison needed.
Speaker 2:Uh well, at the time that was 1997 and so there wasn't a whole lot about autism. And this is, um, when I had reached out to a fellow parent, sent home this yellow flyer in Madison's backpack and that taught us about ABA or invited us to her home to learn about ABA therapy. We used that with Madison and then later, that transaction of sharing information that wasn't available through a doctor or educator, that became the basis of Pathfinders for Autism and that put me on that track. You know to work with that, you know toward that, for two or three years before it was incorporated. So her needs helped me journey through my waiting of if I was going to walk again. So it was nice to redirect my energy instead of all about me to how can I help Madison.
Speaker 1:That was so important. I love that part of the story and that the Baltimore Orioles wives ended up, you know, raising $100,000, which was the most that they had raised at that time. And then even Michael Phelps, here he is, he jumps on board as an honorary member and then a radio spot for you. I thought that that was so great. Can you talk more about that?
Speaker 2:Sure. So we in the early days we were just a small group of parents sharing information. We're trying to share our discoveries. And then in 2000, we were incorporated. We hired our first employee who had a child with autism, because at the time everybody was saying wait and see what happens and we had wanted people to get as many resources as they could and talk to another parent on the phone. This was way before Google or the internet or social media, right, absolutely. So we started out that way, with just a person answering the phone, and we developed a database. And then we created special events to try to help raise money. And now you know we serve 20,000 people a year with oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yes, some family events where people can go and feel safe going to the aquarium with their kids with autism, or gardens, or different activities we have, and we also train first responders. You know, okay, emts, your next encounter is going to be with a person with autism. You know how would you respond? How can you be sensitized to their needs? So it's been great In 25 years. This year is our 25th anniversary.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, Can I ask how Madison is doing?
Speaker 2:She's doing well. She's still as she's 33, she still can't read or write or ever be left alone, but she's doing very well in a residential group home, and then she has a day program as well, where she's out in the community every single day.
Speaker 2:Oh that's just great she's out in the community every single day. Oh, that's just great, being grateful for those support services that PathFounders actually helped me find. So they're still finding paths for no matter what age, because it seems like they always have needs that are at least outside my capacity to handle. So it's good to have safety net there to help you.
Speaker 1:It's inside my capacity to handle, so it's good to have a safety net there to help you. That's interesting that you called it Pathfinders, because you had this thing about paths you know two different paths and then you created that. You just took coffee containers and you drew these circles interlocking and then you created this logo and then you came up with this. I mean, you were just so thinking outside of the box and trying to do something instead of just sit in the pain, and I just thought that that was amazing that you did that. And look, I mean, you're still now, 25 years later.
Speaker 2:That's so great, yeah, and the path keeps going, and I think that the idea of a path is that sometimes it's just finding the path. They're already out there, we just don't know about them. So it's bringing it to light out there, but most often their resources is just getting it in a place that people can discover it.
Speaker 1:Rewarding experience. We have an amazing staff now that are so helpful and have so much expertise. Is it just within the Baltimore area or is it nationwide, or is it pretty local?
Speaker 2:It is a statewide organization, but our database serves people from all over the world. Oh my gosh, yes, so you can go to pathfindersforautismorg and go on there and search. You can search by age what age your child is and what services are recommended. We have resources on there which are primarily in the Maryland area, but there's some. You know we screen the resources we add to our database and we're open to others contributing too.
Speaker 1:That's right. I might have to look it up when I get off of here. So, with your paths and Rethinking Possible, when you talked earlier about two different paths, you also did that with your own life when you were in the wheelchair and one if you would never walk again and one if you could and I thought that that was brilliant. Was that your way of also that? You know creating these two paths, and I think you already might have answered this question but was it your way of forward thinking during a time of acceptance?
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely. That is how I kept myself moving, because it was too hard to just wonder all the time. And I think that you know, as Winston Churchill says, when you're going through, keep going. And to keep going. I needed to feel like that I could make progress. So I did the parallel paths what happens if I can walk, what happens if I couldn't? And then you know, I had a moment that I decided to give up on walking.
Speaker 2:This was 19 months in and I think we had talked about kind of my big toe moment, where I decided that was the last thing I could wiggle before the paralysis was complete, was my left big toe.
Speaker 2:And after 19 months of therapy three times a week, I really wasn't making any progress and I decided to just let go of that.
Speaker 2:And so I stopped my therapy and I was able to lean in more fully to a life as a paraplegic, a life as a paraplegic mom. And I realized, looking back, that therapy three times a week had taken me away from my kids at the dinner hour for three nights a week. So I said, well, I have that time now, and so I was like we're going to do what I could remember from my mom's days and we had candles with our dinner and I played music. This was back with the CD clubs, so I bought a bunch of CDs that were funky disco that I loved in my college days, and then jazz and then classical and I felt like I was creating another environment for us to be family together. But I think we all in life sometimes have these big toe moments where it's like you've got to. It's time to let go of something that's not going to be a reality for your, for your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's that leaning into acceptance instead of resistance. You know I mean that that's a hard place to be. It's crossing that line over into fully acceptance, I think.
Speaker 2:It is hard.
Speaker 1:You know, acceptance also had a different take for me.
Speaker 1:In your book Matthew had and all he had gone through and your miscarriages and after your daughter, madison's challenges and Peter's and trying to manage as a single parent in a wheelchair trying to manage as a single parent in a wheelchair you know your entire story of now you have your brother had passed, your dad had passed, you got the call about your mom and you say you went right to acceptance.
Speaker 1:You had spent a lifetime of hearing these horrible news, this horrible news, and then going through maybe the grief process or whatever the steps that you need to go to, but then you went straight to acceptance and it made me realize that I too have been through so many things in my life that I think sometimes we just go straight to acceptance and it's like that we become robots to pain and it's just okay, I know the drill and you just go through the motions Okay, now we got to do this, we got the funeral, whatever and you just are just so numb to it and it's more something like that. I don't know, is that how you felt? Yeah, is that how you felt? Yeah?
Speaker 2:I think that sometimes when you have this unexpected event, that's horrific, and then you move to this why, why did this happen? I don't deserve this. This isn't fair, All this emotional fog, but after a while you realize that that doesn't really do you any good. You know an emotional thing, you need to process it, but at the moment you need to get an action. For what is the next step? What are things that need to do?
Speaker 2:And I call it this pivot from why need to do and I call it this pivot from why and why did all this happen? And all the angst and outrage that you feel with that why to how, how are you going to do it and how puts you into acceptance mode. And just that change of question from why to how gets you more in acceptance and, I think, helps you move through it more, maybe efficiently. That doesn't mean that you can't come back to why at some point. But we knew our mother had had a serious illness. We didn't know why we didn't. You know there's a lot more mystery that there was to investigate. But Rachel got there and I knew what I I needed to do to address the situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think going from why to how gives you that sense of control. You know it's like all of a sudden you can do something with the why.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you park that why and come back to it, but your how it puts you in problem solving. It does it, does Wandering, pondering. You're just going to. All right, let's do it. You know what do you need to do? Damn in your resources. Who can help you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what you do. That's what we do it is. You know, one of the things that I absolutely loved about your family was that you found ways to celebrate and have fun, and your family's sense of humor carried all of you, I believe, when your dad did whatever he did in the van, you know, and you're going to, you got this van, you're going to go drive it for the first time and you're in there your mom's, I guess, in the passenger seat that's how I pictured it and your dad does something and you just tip back and you're staring at the ceiling and you look over at your mom, who's backs to you and her shoulders are shaking and I thought she was going to be crying. And she turns around and she's like hysterically laughing. I was like that is awesome.
Speaker 2:She didn't say are you okay, baby? First, before she started laughing. But she was. You know, it was the perfect combination. Dad could tell a joke I mean, he was a jokester, he just was and mother couldn't tell a joke to save her life. She'd tell you the punchline before she would tell you the story. But she had this we call it tickle box meltdown, where she would just cry With tears, she would just be laughing so she couldn't talk. And it really was funny because I was on my back and at the time I was wearing these patent leather Dr Martin shoes. I was looking up at the ceiling and there were my legs. Of course I can't move my legs, but they're hanging above me. Thank heavens I had my seatbelt on. So it was—Dad was trying to use the hand controls of my car, which are—you know, you have to be trained to use these things. Well, he just doesn't—he skips ahead sometimes when he's looking at directions. So he just hit that thing and the van lurched forward and I went backward and she was a puddle of tears. But we really had a lot of humor in our household. We did had a lot of humor in our, in our house. So we did.
Speaker 2:And when you were talking about being stuck or struck. I had written a warning fuel entry about that, because I used it when uh that, that that phrase when rachel had come to visit me during uh, I think it was late March one year. Anyway, we had a surprise snowstorm and she couldn't leave, she couldn't fly back home, and we were stuck, you know. And instead of being stuck, we decided to go out and play in the snow. So I did, you know, donuts with my wheelchair and snow angels. That is so fun, you know. We were struck by the challenge instead of being stuck in it. So this gave us a lighter way to look at life, because sometimes it's just so crazy, it's funny. You know, how can all this stuff happen? What's, you know? Why not laugh about it? We were overcome, you know, by grief and by anger. We can be overcome by laughter too. That counts.
Speaker 1:Right, right. And I read that passage in Morning Fuel and it was really funny. I pictured you doing that. Yeah, it was great. And you're right, you just have to make the best of it. You just have to. I mean, life is happening. You might as well laugh along the way and you had a dance party after your divorce. I mean that was awesome. And also the picture in my mind of you trying to get ready in the bathroom with your friend and your sister for that wedding, and you know what it was hilarious yeah, they, uh.
Speaker 2:We never did that again, but it was just the floor and had a friend pulling me up and rachel shoving me to the side. But uh, yeah, uh, it was a an interesting time in the bathroom. Well, it made a memory right.
Speaker 1:Yes, this is the end of part one. What an incredible, raw journey we've just walked through with the phenomenal Rebecca Galli From the depths of unimaginable grief, loss and paralysis to a life fueled by intention, gratitude and unshakable resilience. Rebecca doesn't just talk about hope, she lives it. Her words remind us that even when life knocks us flat physically, emotionally or spiritually, we can get back up. Even if it looks different than before. We can find purpose in the aftermath. We can let our love be larger than our pain.
Speaker 1:So if you're in a season that feels impossible, where the weight feels too heavy and the road too long, let Rebecca's story remind you you are not alone and you are not without power. You may have to rethink what's possible, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. If this episode touched you, go to grab Rebecca's books, rethinking Possible and Mourning Fuel. Maybe take a moment to write to someone who's shown up for you in your darkest moments because, as we learned today real love, honest words and purposeful action they ripple further than we could ever imagine. Part two will be next week. Until next time, this is Real Talk, where we meet the hardest parts of life with open hearts, honest words and a whole lot of resilience. Take care of yourself, let your love be larger, and we'll see you next time.
