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Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Tina and Ann met as journalists covering a capital murder trial, 15 years ago. Tina has been a tv and radio personality and has three children. Ann has a master's in counseling and has worked in the jail system, was a director of a battered woman's shelter/rape crisis center, worked as an assistant director at a school for children with autism, worked with abused kids and is currently raising her three children who have autism. She also is autistic and was told would not graduate high school, but as you can see, she has accomplished so much more. The duo share their stories of overcoming and interview people who are making it, despite what has happened. This is more than just two moms sharing their lives. This is two women who have overcome some of life's hardest obstacles. Join us every Wednesday as we go through life's journey together. There is purpose in the pain and hope in the journey.
Real Talk with Tina and Ann
Again...Let Your Love Be Larger part 2 with Rebecca Galli
Rebecca Galli's story isn't just about survival—it's about creating a magnificent life from the pieces that remain after tragedy shatters your original plans. Picking up where Part 1 left off, this powerful conversation delves deeper into Rebecca's extraordinary journey of navigating motherhood from a wheelchair, building a thriving autism nonprofit, and finding joy amidst devastating losses.
Twenty-five years ago, Rebecca channeled her experience as a mother of a child with autism into founding Pathfinders for Autism, an organization that now provides support to tens of thousands annually. What began as parents sharing resources around a kitchen table has blossomed into a comprehensive support system with a worldwide database. Rebecca's approach to life's challenges—creating "parallel paths" when faced with uncertainty—became the philosophical foundation for an organization that has changed countless lives.
The conversation takes a profound turn when Rebecca shares how she processed simultaneous tragedies. After experiencing her brother's death, her own paralysis, her divorce, and her daughter's autism diagnosis, Rebecca developed an almost supernatural ability to move quickly from grief to action. When her mother and son died within six hours of each other, her sister offered the perfect comforting words: "Maybe it's mom's time to take care of him now." This moment perfectly encapsulates Rebecca's life philosophy—finding meaning and even beauty in circumstances that might crush someone else.
Perhaps most striking is Rebecca's relationship with faith through hardship. She shares her father's tradition of the "black chair"—a safe space where honest feelings could be expressed without judgment, even anger toward God. As Rebecca beautifully puts it, "I've been in a relationship with God for as long as I can remember, but not always on speaking terms." Her father, a minister who wrote a book called "Sit Down God, I'm Angry," taught her that authentic spirituality makes room for questioning and rage.
Throughout her journey, Rebecca has discovered that acceptance doesn't mean surrendering to circumstances—it means redirecting your energy toward what remains possible. From wheelchair dancing to wearing sparkly boots because "if you can't stand up, stand out," she demonstrates that joy can coexist with hardship when we shift our focus from limitations to possibilities.
Ready to rethink what's possible in your own life? Grab Rebecca's books "Rethinking Possible" and "Morning Fuel," visit beckygalli.com, and remember her powerful mantra: "Life can be good no matter what."
Welcome back to Real Talk with Tina and Anne. If you joined us for Part 1, you already know the emotional depth and hard-won wisdom that Rebecca Galley brings to the table, and if you didn't, well, you might want to pause and go back and listen to Part 1. Then, well, you might want to pause and go back and listen to part one. In part two we pick up where we left off, with Rebecca navigating motherhood, paralysis, the loss of a child, the loss of a mother, the loss of a father, autism with one of her children, overcoming, making it no matter what and learning how to live fully in a body and a life that no longer looks like the one that she planned. But if you think this is just a story of sadness, oh my gosh. No, not at all. I mean, there's so much laughter and fun and we just we really talk. It's so engaging. This is a story of humor in heartbreak, of choosing joy with bitterness, of building new dreams with what's left when the original ones shatter. Rebecca reminds us that purpose doesn't wait for perfect conditions and that sometimes our most beautiful chapters begin when we learn to write with a trembling hand. So settle in, because today we're talking about healing, what it means to truly show up and how to live with uncertainty while still believing in what's possible. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Here is part two. That was so important I love that part of the story and that the Baltimore Orioles' wives ended up. You ended up raising $100,000, which was the most that they had raised at that time. And then even Michael Phelps here he is, he jumps on board as an honorary member and then a radio spot for you. I thought that that was so great. Can you talk more about that?
Speaker 2:Sure. So in the early days we were just a small group of parents sharing information. We're trying to share our discoveries. And then in 2000, we were incorporated, we hired our first employee who had a child with autism, because at the time everybody was saying wait and see what happens and we had wanted people to get as many resources as they could and talk to another parent on the phone. This was way before Google or the Internet or social media, right, absolutely. So we started out that way, with just a person answering the phone, and we developed a database. And then we created special events to try to help raise money. And now you know we serve 20,000 people a year with family.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yes, some family events where people can go and feel safe going to the aquarium with their kids with autism, or gardens, or different activities we have and we also train first responders. You know, okay, activities we have and we also train first responders. You know whether that's EMTs. Your next encounter is going to be with a person with autism. You know how would you respond, how can you be sensitized to their needs. So it's been great In 25 years. This year is our 25th anniversary.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, can I ask how Madison is doing?
Speaker 2:She's doing well. She's still and she's 33. She still can't read or write or ever be left alone, but she's doing very well in a residential group home, and then she has a day program as well, where she's out in the community every single day. Oh, that's just great. We're grateful for those support services that PAP founders actually helped me find. So they're still finding paths for no matter what age, because it seems like they always have needs that are at least outside my capacity to handle. So it's good to have a safety net there to help you.
Speaker 1:That's interesting that you called it Pathfinders, because you had this thing about paths. You know two different paths and then you created that. You just took coffee containers and you drew these circles interlocking and then you created this logo and then you came up with this. I mean, you were just so thinking outside of the box and trying to do something instead of just sit in the pain and I just thought that that was amazing that you did that. And look, I mean, you're still now 25 years later.
Speaker 2:That's so great. I mean, you're still now, 25 years later, that's so great, yeah. And the path keeps going, and I think that the idea of a path is that sometimes it's just finding the path. They're already out there, we just don't know about them. So it's bringing it to light. You know, having finders Sometimes we create our own paths out there, but most often their resources is just getting it in a place that people can discover it. But it's a very rewarding experience. We have an amazing staff now that are so helpful and have so much expertise.
Speaker 1:Is it just within the Baltimore area, or is it nationwide, or is it pretty local?
Speaker 2:It is a statewide organization, but our database serves people from all over the world. Oh my gosh, yes, so you can go to PathfindersforAutismorg and go on there and search. You can search by age what age your child is and what services are recommended. We have resources on there which are primarily in the Maryland area, but there's some. You know we screen the resources we add to our database and we're open to others contributing too.
Speaker 1:That's where I might have to look it up when I get off of here. So, with your paths and rethinking possible. When you talked earlier about two different paths, you also did that with your own life when you were in the wheelchair and one if you would never walk again and one if you could and I thought that that was brilliant. Was that your way of? Also that? You know creating these two paths and I think you already might have answered this question but was it your way of forward thinking during a time of acceptance?
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely that's. That is how I kept myself moving, because it was too hard to just wonder all the time. And I think that you know, as Winston Churchill says, when you're going through, I'll keep going. I needed to feel like that I can make progress. So I did the parallel pass. What happens if I can walk, what happens if I couldn't? And then you know my big toe moment, where I decided that was the last thing I could wiggle before the paralysis was complete, was my left big toe.
Speaker 2:And after 19 months of therapy three times a week, I really wasn't making any progress and I decided to just let go of that.
Speaker 2:And so I stopped my therapy and I was able to lean in more fully to a life as a paraplegic, a life as a paraplegic mom. Life is a paraplegic, life is a paraplegic mom. And I realized, looking back, that therapy three times a week had taken me away from my kids at the dinner hour for three nights a week. So I said, well, I have that time now, and so I was like we're going to do what I could remember from my mom's days, and we had candles with our dinner and I played music. This was back with the CD clubs. So I bought a bunch of CDs that were funky disco that I loved in my college days, and then jazz and then classical, and I felt like I was creating another environment for us to be family together, another environment for us to be family together. So, but I think we all in life sometimes have these big toe moments where it's like you've got to. It's time to let go of something that's not going to be a reality for your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's that leaning into acceptance instead of resistance. You know I mean that's a hard place to be. It's crossing that line over into fully acceptance, I think.
Speaker 2:It is hard.
Speaker 1:You know, acceptance also had a different take for me.
Speaker 1:In your book Matthew had and all he had gone through and your miscarriages and after your daughter, madison's challenges and peter's and trying to manage as a single parent in a wheelchair. You know your entire story of now you have your brother had passed, your dad had passed, you got the call about your mom and you say you went right to acceptance. You had spent a lifetime of hearing these horrible news, this horrible news, and then going through maybe the grief process or whatever the steps that you need to go to, but then you went straight to acceptance and it made me realize that I too have been through so many things in my life that I think sometimes we just go straight to acceptance and it's like that we become robots to pain and it's just okay. I know the drill, you know, and you just go through the motions Okay, now we got to do this, we got to the funeral, whatever and you just are just so numb to it and it's more something like that. I don't know, is that how you felt? Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think that sometimes when you're, you have this unexpected event that's horrific and then you you move to this, to this why. You know, why did this happen? I don't deserve this. This isn't fair. All this emotional fog, after a while you realize that that doesn't really do you any good. You know, you an emotional thing, you need to process it, but at thing you need to process it, but at the moment you need to get into action. For what is the next step? What are things that need to do?
Speaker 2:And I call it this pivot from why and why did all this happen, and all the angst and outrage that you feel with that why, to how, how are you going to do it? And the how puts you into acceptance mode. And just that change of question from why to how gets you more in acceptance and, I think, helps you move through it more, maybe efficiently. That doesn't mean that you can't come back to why at some point. But we knew our mother had had a serious illness. We didn't know why. You know there's a lot of more mystery that there was to investigate, but Rachel got there and I knew what I needed to do to to address the situation. Mm, hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it going from why to how gives you that sense of control. You know it's like all of a sudden you can do something with the why.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you park that why and come back to it, but your how it puts you in problem solving. It does it, does Wandering, pondering, you're just going to? All right, let's do it. What do you need to do? Damage your resources? Who can help you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what you do, that's what we do. It is. One of the things that I absolutely loved about your family was that you found ways to celebrate and have fun, and your family's sense of humor carried all of you, I believe, when your dad did whatever he did in the van. When you know and you're gonna, you got this van, you're going to go drive it for the first time and you're in there your mom's, I guess in the passenger seat that's how I pictured it and your dad does something and you just tip back and you're staring at the ceiling and you look over at your mom, who's backs to you and her shoulders are shaking and I thought she was going to be crying. And she turns around and she's like hysterically laughing. I was like that is awesome.
Speaker 2:She didn't say are you okay? Baby first Before she started laughing. But she was, you know, baby first before she started laughing, but she was. You know, it was the perfect combination. Dad could tell a joke I mean, he was a jokester, he just was. And mother couldn't tell a joke to save her life. She'd tell you the punchline before she would tell you. You know the story. But she had this we call it tickle box meltdown, where she would just cry With tears, she would just be laughing, so she couldn't talk.
Speaker 2:And it really was funny because I was on my back and at the time I was wearing these patent leather Dr Martin shoes and I was looking up at the ceiling and there were my legs. Of course I can't move my legs, but they're hanging above me. Thank heavens I have my seatbelt on. So it was, and dad was trying to use the hand controls of my car, which you know you have to be trained to use these things. Well, he just doesn't. He skips ahead sometimes when he's looking at directions. So he just hit that thing and the van lurched forward. I went backward and she was a puddle of tears.
Speaker 2:But we, we really had a lot of humor in our and we also did. And when you were talking about being stuck or struck, I had written a warning fuel entry about that, because I used it when uh, that, that that phrase when rachel had come to visit me during I think it was late March one year. Anyway, we had a surprise snowstorm and she couldn't leave, she couldn't fly back home, and we were stuck, you know. And instead of being stuck, we decided to go out and play in the snow. So I did, you know, donuts with my wheelchair and snow angels. That is so fun. We were struck by the challenge instead of being stuck in it. So it just gave us a lighter way to look at life, because sometimes it's just so crazy, it's funny. How can all this stuff happen? Why not laugh about it? We were overcome, you know, by grief and by anger. We can be overcome by laughter too.
Speaker 1:That capture, right, right. And I read that passage in Morning Fuel and it was really funny. I pictured you doing that. Yeah, it was great and you're right, you just have to make the best of it. You just have to. I mean, life is happening. You might as well laugh along the way. And you had a dance party after your divorce. I mean that was awesome. And also the picture in my mind of you trying to get ready in the bathroom with your friend and your sister for that wedding, and you know what it was hilarious.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we never did that again, but it was just the other way around. I was on the floor and I had a friend pulling me up and Rachel shoved me to the side. But yeah, it was an interesting time in the bathroom. Well, it made a memory, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, and when you were at that wedding you had a moment you were able to request a song and you wanted to play that funky music and you danced. And it was the first time that you had danced to that song, since you and your brother Forrest had danced to it 20 years prior. So what I loved about what you said was my body might be paralyzed, but my soul's moving on. I mean, how profound Can you tell me about that moment of freedom?
Speaker 2:You know I enjoyed dancing so much and Forrest and I won the dance contest. You know I came back my first year of college. I came back and he and I entered the high school contest. I still haven't seen the trophy right there by my computer but it was. It brought back. I could shut my eyes and remember everything I did with him. And so I loved wheelchair dancing and I decided to embrace that. You know I can't move around the dance floor like I used to, can't use my legs, but I can have the music in my heart and let the memory fill it and really enjoy it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it seemed like music was one of those things that helped get you through as well, besides laughter. Yes, yeah, music is really important to me too. I can go back to a moment in time and I can feel that when you hear certain songs, so yeah, they really do carry us. You hear certain songs, so yeah, they really do carry us. One of the things, though, that I hated the most for you. One of the things was how you were treated differently, and I touched on it earlier, but I you know that column that you created From when I Sit again, you were taking back power, but you have a story of being at your daughter's new school and nothing was wheelchair friendly, and you would even call the head and ask for a ramp, but they didn't have the ramp.
Speaker 1:They had, you know, a thick rug. You couldn't get your legs under the table. You couldn't reach the food at the buffet. You know they weren't making sure that you were okay and that just that really hurt me, for you know I was hurt for you, but you knew it would probably be hard, I'm sure, because you know all these women are socializing and everything. They're leaving you out, but you showed up and even though that it would be hard, and then your dad's words from pity to power are perfect for this moment. Did you feel empowered by his words in times like this? Did it shift your attitude and not letting other people's heartless actions affect you?
Speaker 2:I think it did. I think it has just been underneath a lot of the times where I've had to make that pivot from pity to power. In that particular instance, at one point I was actually headed to the closet to just have a good cry and somebody stopped and said something about Brittany and we struck up a conversation and then she asked if she could help me with my plate and then she sat beside me at the table and then I started focusing on the needs of my daughter instead of my needs and what I could learn from the community that was there and there was real strength in that to learn something for my daughter that could be used right away. So, yeah, I did think about that. Another thing that mom used to say, and I just revisited this with a friend some time ago, and she would say, a friend some time ago, and and she would say you know, becky, don't don't let the situation, don't let it get the best of you, don't let it get the best of you. And I, and I would think about that even in that situation.
Speaker 2:Was I going to let that situation get the best of me? Was this the best I had and were they going to? Was I going to waste my best you know being sorry for myself or I was going to find my best and use it in a different direction? And so those words too what is the best of you? And where are you letting that go? Are you controlling where the best of you goes? Are you the best of you with an outburst of anger? You know the best of you goes. Or the best of you with an outburst of anger? You know the best of you goes with envy? The best of you, where is that best of you going? And, of course, we want our best to go in a positive direction. We want people to seek our best and we want our best to absorb what's around us, perhaps to help somebody else. If it didn't help me, I might as well help my daughter. And so that was the biggest shift there. I almost wouldn't help. It was a difficult situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I hope that places are more wheelchair-friendly for you and that you feel more accepted. I mean, that was just not okay. I was angry for you.
Speaker 2:And they learned from it. They did, I must say they learned from it and the next time it went smooth as silk, and that's the other thing. Sometimes it's not definitely they didn't mean to be exclusive to me and if people learn and correct it. So I was deeply grateful that they were sensitive to that and even apologetic later for it. But at the time there's nothing that can be done. You know, you just got to deal with the right to accept them. How do I get through this Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. You know, whenever I'm going through a hard time or anything, and I'm going to remember your dad's words don't judge a performance in the middle of an act. I just was like, wow, that was amazing that he said that. I think, like I said, I will always remember that, what did you take away with you when he?
Speaker 2:said that. I think it's another version of trust the process. We're in the middle of something and you have no idea what the future is going to be. But to some extent you can influence the future by how you approach. Acceptance helps with this. There's some things you can't control. You got to release those and move to what you can control exactly, find the good things as you're moving through it. But it's. It's helpful, especially if you're feeling stuck like the middle of the act. Okay, this isn't over yet. There's more to come. Hopefully it'll be better than where you are at the moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you know there's days that if somebody judged me on that day it would be like, yeah, it's not good, so don't please judge me in the middle of my act, you know. I mean I thought that that was beautiful, that he had some great ones. I want to talk about your dad a little bit more, because he was so much of who you are and cancer is a horrible disease, and that moment, I think, was one of the most real moments, what I call a Job from the Bible moment. When you have that real God won't give us more than we can handle.
Speaker 1:I mean there are reasons for these tragedies. God is love. How can he allow all of this? I mean it's real, it's raw, and those are the things I think that people do say to us sometimes in order to help in a really hard situation. And I mean I had something awful happen and somebody said, well, if you just give it to the Lord, everything will be okay. And I just went, no, it won't. No, it won't. You know I have given it to God and no, it's still not gonna be okay. So do you think it makes our relationship with God less, because we might shout those things out?
Speaker 2:No, I don't, you know he's't. He's tough, he can take it. And the name of my dad's book that he wrote was Sit Down, god, I'm Angry. This was after Forrest's death and the backstory of that goes to when we were kids, I think it was 12. Forrest was 10. Rachel was 8. And we'd just gotten tired of being parented. I think it was 12 or she was 10. Rachel was eight and we'd just gotten tired of being parented, I think.
Speaker 2:And we went in and we saw mom and dad lounging in their bedroom and said you know, dad was sitting in a black chair. Dad, you know, who do we tell off when we get mad? Yes, I remember. Yes, he said you can tell it, you know. And he, about it. He said what do you mean, tell you off? And I said well, you know you get mad and you tell us off. And he said, well, you can tell me off. And he said, no, we can't, you'll get angry, you'll punish us. And he thought about it for a minute and looked at mom and said you know, when I'm sitting in this black chair, you can tell me anything you want and I will not punish you. So that became our safe place, you know.
Speaker 2:At the time I said, dad, when do we get started? And we just listed off every injustice we could think of. But through the years it became a safe place to talk to him about. You know, first car accident Forrest had had a little fender bender told him about that. Or the first night somebody had a sip of beer, or the first, you know the first time. So I was asked on a date and the angst around that.
Speaker 2:So, and after Forrest died and he had told that story a lot and his minister friends know about that story. So when Forrest died we were in the hospital, or actually I think before he was unconscious nine days. So during that time Dad was in the lobby with some of his minister friends in a room and he said, guys, I'm going to put God in the black chair. He let God have it. You know why my son, you know, hate me, not my son. This is so unfair. And so this was a minister openly expressing anger toward god for something that was happened to his beloved son.
Speaker 2:And I guess that honesty, that black chair, that that place to be um open with how we felt about tragedies that didn't seem deserved, was something that I continue to experience in my life and dad continued to give me it's okay, baby, you can be angry, it's okay. Oh, how beautiful. Yes, so it was a gift he gave me really to be able to honestly express that. Otherwise it was like a release valve. I had to express it. It still remained faithful. You know, I say that I've been in a relationship with God for as long as I can remember, but not always on speaking terms.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I love that that sounds like another title to a book that is so good.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. But he understands, he can take it, you know.
Speaker 1:And I think your dad had a sermon. How Mean is your God? I mean, I would have loved to have heard that sermon.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was a powerful one and I think I have a recording of it somewhere. He did send me all those tapes. But yeah, it's when people say, you know, God doesn't give you more than you can handle, or everything happens for a reason, or you alone have the strength to deal with this. You know, God gave you this. It puts God in a, not a companion position, and dad always said you know, look for God at not at the point of cause, but at the point of cure how he can help you get through a situation.
Speaker 1:That's just so beautiful. Also, you know your mom, she had a little bit of a moment herself when she was just really tired of people asking her how she was. And you know, I mean I felt that for her in that, you know, I mean that people are really just being nice when they're asking that, but she's like, well, how do you think I am? And I think that we all need to just let that out. People are trying to be nice, but it's really hard to present that face of like I'm good, I'm good, especially after she had lost her husband. That would just be horrific and you know she just wanted to let that out.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was really beautiful how she pivoted on that one, because it was the simple question people were asking how are you? And that's where she expressed what you said how do they think I'm doing? I lost my husband, you know the whole. So I was trying for several phone calls, I was trying to be very careful about not ask that question and she at one point I slipped and I said that you know, how are you doing? I thought, oh my gosh, I've triggered her. Here we go and she goes I'm a doing, that's how I'm doing, I'm a doing. And what a beautiful thing to say. You know, just not, I'm fine, I'm a doing, I am doing what's next, what I need to be doing. And that kind of became kind of Rachel and I are code word as we're talking to each other how are you? And if you're a doing, that means you're struggling. But you are, you know you're not fine but you're a doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a great way for her to answer during such a hard time, and I think I used to always just say I'm peachy, oh, but I mean I guess I was being smart, but I also really meant that. You know, I was really just trying to keep moving. You went to your parents' house when you knew that your dad was not going to make it, and one of the things that I loved this is again another one of those bittersweet kind of things. He met you outside when you arrived and you ran into his arms and you said that you wouldn't have missed his adventure. You ran into his arms and you said that you wouldn't have missed his adventure. I just sat in that and I was just like, wow, I mean what I mean? I don't know if that's coping, but the way that your family would call those types of hard truths, adventures with uncertain outcomes, I mean, did that help you embrace the hard realities?
Speaker 2:You know, I think what it did was it allowed me to hold things lightly, because when you're on an adventure you're not sure exactly what's next, but you know it's an opportunity for learning. You know that the unexpected is probably going to happen. For the guy that says what's planned is possible, and my mother saying was you know, got to give my ducks in a row. If you have plans that are too tightly held when they go sideways, you're at a loss. But if you hold them lightly, then you can pivot more. It's their shock absorbers we talked about earlier where you can absorb a little bit more, but you can also be open to what that circumstance offers.
Speaker 2:I think one of the things I mentioned in the book and probably both of them is one of Dad's things that he said that is similar is no experience is wasted unless you let it be. No experience is wasted unless you let it be. And so if you approach things as an adventure, then you're probably going to learn something here. It might not be exactly what you want to learn, but that opens it up, the opportunity up, and it's a really positive way to look at hardship. But I feel like if you have that as a goal and fall short. At least you've aimed high and maybe what you are able to achieve is just a little better than what you would have if you just think of it as a list that you've got to move through a dirge. It's not, it's an opportunity too, of you know a dirge, it's not. It's an opportunity too, and hopefully it'll be something positive will come out of it. But it doesn't make the journey any less laborious, but perhaps it's more ripe with opportunities to learn if it's approached that way.
Speaker 1:You're reminding me of when your husband did remarry, and that was a hard truth and that was something that would have caused a lot of walls to go up. You know, when Cindy, his new wife, she showed up I think it was some kind of a store and she's, like you know, trying to let you know who she was. And then she starts showing up at games and different things like that. I mean that would have been so hard. But eventually she got closer to you. You let her in more, you spent more time with her, you even traveled with her and it just showed me that sometimes if we let those walls down, you know we can let those hard things in. So it might be better than we think.
Speaker 2:And it has been. It has been totally worth it. We are still very good friends. I can say that you know I love her like a family member. We've started that relationship, her. We've started that relationship.
Speaker 2:Initially, I think I was operating in my children's best interest because I felt like it would be too hard for everything that my kids had been through to try to absorb my dislike of their father's choice for his wife. And there were many things about her to love it was easy to lean into that. She was respectful of me, she was helpful to my children, she cared for my children. So it's all about that focus. Like what can I focus on for her? With her, and she's a lovely human being, I'm glad she's in my life. But it was not an easy choice to I take that back. After a while it became a very easy choice to choose my children and their welfare over my hurt or whatever I felt at the time. It was easy to look at their best interests and she wound up being pretty easy to love, and I think that that's another theme that kind of runs through your books.
Speaker 1:I know what your dad said in putting yourself first, but you always took your whole entire family's situation into account while you made decisions. I think that that really says a lot about who you are.
Speaker 2:Wow, thank you. I appreciate that. I will say one of her favorite actresses was sophia lauren, and they would, um. They asked her you know how do you fall in love with so many men in all the movies? That? And she would say, um, I find something about them to love, whether it be their eyes or their lips or their hair, and focus on that part of them as she's portraying this love, and I think it led to my idea that everybody sparkles in a different place. You know to look for people's sparkle.
Speaker 1:You said that in one of your morning fuels.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. So and I decided, you know, to look for people's sparkle and let my sparkle show more. And that's when I bought some gold sequined boots. And somebody had said when you're paralyzed, you know, in a wheelchair, if you can't stand up, stand out. And so I'm like, I like my blingy jewelry and I like my sparkle boots and you know, it's fun, it's fun, and sometimes you just got to go with what you got right, you do and you do A couple more things and then we'll end.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to touch on something that you said about anger. You know rightfully so. You were angry, and you heard in Ernie Larson's self-help tapes that unresolved anger has adverse effects and all it does is fixate us on the point of the pain. So can you talk about not focusing on the point of pain?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I loved his illustration. He talks about unresolved anger fixating you in your point of pain, much like those projects in science class where you would have the insect and they would have the little pin through them and that you need to take that pin out. You know that's what it's like to take the pin out of something that's fixating you and your pain. So I think, again, it's that process of being honest about I'm in pain, in pain. It's honest about your capacity to deal with that pain and who can come around you to help you relieve that pain and work through that pain. So I think that's really important because this unresolved anger can pop out in different ways.
Speaker 2:You don't even know. You know it's about your angry and you kick the dog and it's like when the dog's fought it know. You know it's about your angry and you kick the dog and it's like when the dogs fought it was. You know I would never kick my dog. That's a strange idea. It permeates in your attitude and your continent. You know you need to really figure out a way to get that out. Unresolved anger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it will come out. It'll just shoot out in different ways and hit people and things in a way that you know it's just not productive, right, I have to mention this really hard moment, but it's also again another beautiful part to your story, where your sister, rachel, kind of brought something out and your mom passed and then Matthew's passing right after. Could you tell that story and what Rachel said to you?
Speaker 2:Yes. So it was another one of these. Are you kidding me moment? So we knew mom was at the end of her time we had been told that, that she could be dying in the next few weeks and my son, matthew, had been in the hospital with pneumonia. So these were sequentially, I think mother I'm not sure exactly the order of I think Matthew was hospitalized right after mother.
Speaker 2:We got the word that mother wasn't doing very well. So I first got the call that my mom had died and so I was making funeral arrangements with that, and then, six hours later, I get the call that Matthew has died and I just was stunned. I just was absolutely stunned. So Rachel was on her way, driving to West Virginia to start making funeral arrangements for mom, and I called her and I said, sissy, you're not going to believe this. Matthew died. And no, she didn't even say I can't believe it, she just said well, sissy, maybe it's mom's time to take care of him. And it just it grounded me, it made me be okay with it and it was just two huge losses within six hours. And so I called our minister here. I had just called him about mom's funeral. I said you're not going to believe this, but my son just died too, and it's really hard to like catch a minister off guard, right? You know they heard it all, but oh, yeah, billy caught him off guard.
Speaker 2:so, uh, it was pretty amazing. But I've rested in that through the years, through, you know, his mom is with matthew and finally, because he had suffered so, uh, with the degeneration of the disease and the more frequent seizures and it was he had suffered so. So it was really a comfort in the thought, but I don't know where she came up with that, but it was just perfect for that time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that she even said, you know, that she had wanted to take care of him and she was just taking him with her. I mean, maybe I don't know, I mean that just was so perfect. I mean the fact that they died six hours apart, it just really did feel like your mom just took him with her and she's got him now Through the years she would be you, you know she would remember.
Speaker 2:You know his birthday and just remember his. You know anniversary of this and anniversary of that and just in a very loving way knew that she was, uh, would let me know that he was primary in her thoughts, more so than anybody else really. So maybe it made the whole. It all made sense what my sister said, it really did you know I?
Speaker 1:I can just feel your pain. I can feel, you know, your bravery. I can feel just how strong you are and I pictured a lot of your life, at times barely keeping your head above water. Have you gone? Because it feels, but I'm not going to answer it for you have you gone from surviving to truly living again?
Speaker 2:You know, it's never finished. It's a daily struggle. Sometimes I think I live on the edge of a pity pit, but I think there's a mentality of even though, whatever my latest limitation is, I can still and really leaning into that, I can still do this, I can write this, I can write. I'm not comfortable in this situation, but I'm very comfortable in that situation Because the aging process complicates things, and so my goal is to live fully in this life. I didn't plan, and my goal is to also live what I believe, which is life can be good no matter what, and to try to seek that good and to live for that. So it's, I think I'm doing. Uh, it's, I think I'm doing. My mom would just say sometimes, baby, you know, you're doing mighty well when I felt like I was falling short.
Speaker 1:I think I'm doing mighty well At least today, right, yep, sometimes it's moment by moment. One of the most shocking words that you wrote and I thought about it later I was like, well, maybe it isn't that shocking because you said I would change nothing Again. You know, it just took me back to forest. But you know this was a goal of yours, a mantra. You say we have to accept what we know and rethink the possible. You learn to live life with the lessons and you had so many questions why my brother's death? Why my paralysis? Why my daughter's autism? Why my mother's and son's death at the same time? I don't know the answers, but I will keep on living, even with the unanswered questions, that is just so beautifully said.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you know I have a lot of them, but I think it's where we place them in our mind too. If we are always looking through the why instead of the how, or all the injustices instead of the good that we have left. It makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There's a way to manage that, but it's worth it. I say life can be good no matter what, but can implies work. It's not. Life is good. Yes, life can be good, yes.
Speaker 1:There's effort in that. There is effort, yes, and it is a two-way street. I mean, god does you know he'll meet us halfway, and that's what I always say, anyway, and sometimes he does 80%, and you know. But it does take effort on our parts and we can and he is, so we just need to lean on him and we really can, no matter how hard it is. We are full of other people's words, you know. I mean this was proof of it. I mean we're just so and it's also proof of why we need to fill ourselves up with the positive words. What message would you like people to take from Rethinking Possible and Mourning Fuel? What are the main messages that you want them to get?
Speaker 2:I think that it is. Life can be good no matter what, and it can mean to effort. I think that it is a worthwhile pursuit to keep rethinking possible, to keep rethinking what you can and work toward getting toward that, yes, and that you can't do it alone. To please reach out to other people and let them help you in your journey.
Speaker 1:How can people get your books? I got mine on Amazon, but do you have a website? How can people get a hold of you? Or you know, just read your books.
Speaker 2:Yes, so my website is my name, becky Gally, b-e-c-k-y-g-a-l-l-i dot com, and my books are available anywhere books are sold that's Amazon, barnes and Noble your independent local bookstore and they're also available through my website, if you want to look at all the places that they're. They are locally or anywhere actually, and I also do a column called thoughtful Thursdays that if they want to sign up for that, they would welcome them on Thursdays, sometimes every Thursday, sometimes once a month. Only when I have something to say, I'll give a little thought for the day, something that's inspired or encouraged or made me think that week, and that's where your podcast will be. I usually try to feature some podcasts at the end of my thoughtful Thursday so people can learn more about what's going on.
Speaker 1:Well, I think I'm going to join that email, so you might see my email come up.
Speaker 2:I would love to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to read more, so I absolutely will. Well, rebecca Galli or Becky Galli for those who are friends, and maybe I could call you that you are proof that, even with unanswered questions, that we can still choose to live fully. Thank you for helping us refuel when we feel empty. And you know, for all of our listeners, we always say that there's purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey, and I want to thank everybody for joining us today, and I want to thank you, rebecca, for being here today and doing this extraordinary journey with us. Thank you so much and for everybody out there, we will see you next time. Thanks so much, a pleasure to be with you. I just want to thank all of you for listening to part one and part two, and if you didn't listen to part one, please go back and listen.
Speaker 1:From learning to parent in a wheelchair, to building a nonprofit in the middle of unimaginable grief, to redefining love, resilience and what it really means to start over. Rebecca didn't just survive. She created a life filled with purpose, impact and grace. So here's what I want to leave you with today there is no shame in falling apart and there is no timeline for putting the pieces back together. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply keep showing up, even in pain, even in pajamas, even when all you have to offer is your presence. That's still enough. If this story resonated with you and I know that it did please share this episode with someone who needs it.
Speaker 1:Grab Rebecca's book Rethinking Possible and Morning Fuel. Grab both of them. Follow her journey at beckygalleycom. And remember your story isn't over. You may be in the middle of the mess, but the ending is still being written, and it's being written by you. Until next time, this is Real Talk with Tina and Anne and, like we always say, remember there is purpose in the pain and there is hope in the journey. Keep feeling, keep healing and, as Rebecca reminded us, always let your love be larger.
